4. Richard Harris, "McArthur Park"
"MacArthur Park" is one of the best songs ever written. It's a fairly long and sullen song (7:30 or so), likening a relationship's demise to a cake being left in the rain. My coworker, who has the same haircut as every person in an early Nine Inch Nails video, once threw a piece of wood at my head for putting on six different versions of this song. Just be careful you don't put on the Donna Summer version or you'll end up revitalizing the dance party. In the event that they don't leave, who cares? Just listen to the sweet, sad croon of Richard Harris.
3. Suzanne Vega, "Luka"
Everyone knows what this song is about, right? And when you hear it, despite the fact that it's an upbeat radio-rock hit from 1987, you can't help but remember the lyrics, written from the perspective of an abused child:
I think it's 'cause I'm clumsy I try not to talk too loud Maybe it's because I'm crazy I try not to act too proud
They only hit until you cry After that you don't ask why You just don't argue anymore
You'll receive a collective groan of, "Dude, come on," for the heavy subject matter, but who can give you shit for putting on such a powerful song? Pair it with the next on this list for a knockout blow.