The 10 Funniest 35 Denton Band Descriptions

When you go on the 35 Denton website, it becomes clear that most of the bands sent in their own descriptions. Some are standard musical lexicon-run-of-the-mill "Such and such band emerged from the Bumville scene in 19-dickety-two and have been playing since blah blah blah..." type of stuff. Some are downright pretentious squared: "Such and such band transcends genre and are indefinable blah blah blah..." (OK, no band took itself that seriously, but a few came close.) And then there were the funny, smartass bands. Downright hilarious. Here are 10 of the funniest band self-descriptions on the 35 lineup. Forget the music (most of which is great, incidentally), see these bands for their senses of humor alone.

See also: -How to Plan Your Night for Each Genre at 35 Denton, with Maps -The 14 Best Unofficial 35 Denton Shows -The 35 Must-See Bands at 35 Denton

10. Old Warhorse: (Saturday, 1 pm at Dan's Silverleaf Day Party; From Denton, Texas)

Old Warhorse don't give no damn. Old Warhorse been around. Old Warhorse play the blues, rock and soul. Old Warhorse like to roll. Old Warhorse like to party. The ladies love Old Warhorse. Old Warhorse know how to party. Old Warhorse like warm butter on hot bread. Old Warhorse drive a couch. Old Warhorse satisfies. Old Warhorse love the ladies. Old Warhorse fascinate. Old Warhorse pour honey on biscuits. Old Warhorse get you high. Old Warhorse packing heat. Old Warhorse grilling meat. Old Warhorse know what it is. Old Warhorse don't give no damn.

9. SPACE CAMP Death Squad: (Friday, 10:30 pm at Hailey's; From Austin, Texas)

SPACE CAMP Death Squad is an American television sitcom about identical twin girls Doc Brown and DJ Murk Jones (Tia and Tamera Mowry), who were separated and adopted at birth, when one day they come face-to-face after 14 years apart. Created by Kim Bass, Gary Gilbert and Fred Shafferman, SPACE CAMP Death Squad starred twin sisters Tia and Tamera Mowry, along with P-tek, Secret Levels and Tim Reid, with Cody Johnson and Zac Sprague joining the group in the fifth season. SPACE CAMP Death Squad was produced by de Passe Entertainment and Paramount Network Television.

The group ran from April 1, 1994 to April 28, 1995 on ABC, and was canceled by the network after two seasons, due to poor ratings. The group was picked up by The WB and aired on that network from September 6, 1995, through May 23, 1999.

8. Idiot Glee: (Friday, 11 pm at J&J's Pizza; From Lexington, Kentucky)

Ashland, Kentucky, 1987. Bill Withers' first secret croons issued decades prior have been ping-ponging between the mountains, for to seed, taking on strange new shapes now that they've gained the Appalachian foothills, frequencies filtering through strip mall and holler, o'er skatepark and Taco Bell. A divine herald. James Friley hears the call.

Young James experiments with the pop form. With Bedtime, he perfects the rock shanty. He jams with Lexington's Kraut punks and noise scum. But that age-old hills-soul haunts him.

7. PVC Street Gang: (Friday, 9:30 pm at Mellow Mushroom; From Dallas Texas)

The PVC Street Gang is a rock band. Explain more than that is unnecessary, just to find everything that you like or that ever liked rock, waiting for a fine specimen of the genre. Do not miss it. The beat and bass are undeniable and have been operating for decades, the voice has that rare balance between anger and mockery; guitars, punchy, cut here and there. All sentences are propaganda, slogans ready to bravados aloud. Very, very simple, but there is intelligence in the way pop music was assembled: the pause climate in which only remain low and hit, and hit or vocal or guitar and the beat. When one realizes, and spent the whole song was not dull, because there were always small changes around you. Look, be in danger. And please stop with this lazy litany of "rock is dead". He always knew how to adapt to the zeitgeist, in sound and aesthetics. Looks like a cockroach.

6. Dust Congress: (Saturday, 10:30 pm at Dan's Silverleaf; From Denton, Texas)

Things not working out for you lately? Stuck in a rut at work or with your loathsome significant other? Feel like life is just a cruel joke and there's no way out? Well, yeah. Sounds about right. Dust Congress has been saying that the whole time.
5. Vulgar Fashion: (Saturday, 10:30 pm at Hailey's; From Denton, Texas)
Vulgar fashion uncovers what heterosexual men think about when they see sexually provocative advertising (hint: it isn't their girlfriends). Mmmmmagic ice cream. Maerc eci cigammmmM .and stokes the flames of public panic and profit on paranoia over global contagions, extreme weather events, and food contamination scares, while mining our digital footprints to target us with ads and offers that appeal to our psychological profiles.

4. How I Quit Crack: (Saturday, 9:30 pm at Hailey's; From Austin, Texas)

Suicide is a concept for lovers in a neon dia(ry)logue. everyday kill a part of yrself that impedes the cromulence of a personal sincerity. How I Quit Crack recovering from terminal cocaine guilt, suicides daily in a blind blacklit haze of smoke and spiritual mathematics and profane geometry. Don't post on Facebook if you wanna see tomorrow.

3. MAGIC MILK: (Saturday, 10:30 pm at Mellow Mushroom; From Chicago, Illinois)

MAGIC MILK plays garage-psych music stuff they throw crazy shows and people show up. They practice, record, and communicate with the devil in a haunted basement in Chicago. The band is Luke Tokyo Drifter (Kenny), Magic Maggie, and Nick. Nick works at a detective agency, Maggie is a pastry chef, Kenny works at a bar. They make a Youtube show together called "DEEP STUFF" about how much they love pizza, beer, and stupid things. They are best friends. The end.

2. Deep Throat: (Sunday, 10:30 pm at The Labb; From Denton, Texas)

DEEP Throat gives a shit but doesn't give a fuck. Non-symmetrical, thirsty and ambiguous, DEEP Throat begs the question: Do you want to get-off or do you want to wreck a city? With DEEP Throat you're only a few inches away from a good-time.

Here's what you deserve:

One part Riot Grrrl, one part Foxcore, Taylor Kimbrough is the force. Whatever she says isn't bullshit.

Mystic and alien, Shane Hutchinson's Zeuhl inspired bass assault places the "wreck" squarely into your balls.

If drumming could construct ancient pyramids, South African mutant Will Rock is working toward Giza 2.0.

Mike West is your snake charmer and plays the guitar like Zena Whitehouse's hairy bush. Google that shit.

1. Delicate Steve: (Sunday, 9:30 pm at The Hive; From Fredon, New Jersey)

Like a hydro-electric Mothra rising from the ashes of an African village burned to the ground by post-rock minotaurs, the music of Delicate Steve will literally make you the happiest person who has never lived. Discovered firsthand by Luaka Bop A & R man Wills Glasspiegel in the parking lot of a Newton, N.J., strip mall, Delicate Steve was signed to the label before anyone at Luaka Bop heard even a moment of their music -- all he needed to experience was a random conversation about what they hoped to achieve as a musical five-piece.

'They were just sitting around in lawn chairs, dressed like 19th century criminals, casually saying the most remarkable things,' recalls Glasspiegel. 'It was wild. It was obtuse. One fellow would say, "Oh, I like Led Zeppelin III, but it skews a little dumptruck." Then another would say, "The problem with those early Prince albums is that he spent too much time shopping." I really had no idea what they were talking about, but it all somehow made sense. "We'll be a different kind of group," they said. "We will introduce people to themselves. We'll inoculate them from discourse." I was immediately intrigued. I asked them if they wanted to have dinner, so we walked to a Chinese restaurant that was right up the road. I suggested we all get different dishes and share everything family style. They agreed. But then they ordered five identical entrees! So we sat there and ate a mountain of General Tso's chicken for three straight hours, talking about music and literature and box kites and dystopias. Twenty-four later, they were signed to Luaka and inside a studio.'

Those studio sessions led to Wondervisions, the indescribable 12-track instrumental debut that reconstructs influences as diverse as Yes, Vampire Weekend, The Fall, Ravi Shankur, 10 cc, The Orbital, Jann Hammer, the first half of OK Computer, the second act of The Wizard of Oz, and the final pages of Jonathan Franzen's Freedom. Originally conceived as a radio-friendly concept album about the early life of D.B. Cooper, de facto Delicate Steve leader Steve Marion decided to tear away the lyrics and move everything in a more experimental direction. 'We don't need the middlebrow to dig our music,' says the soft-spoken Marion. 'We write for the fringes -- the very, very rich and the very, very poor. That's the audience we relate to, and that's who these songs are about.'

See also: -50 Don'ts For Your ACL Festival Weekend -Five WTF Examples of Marketing at SXSW -The 100 Best Texas Songs: The Complete List

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Brian Rash
Contact: Brian Rash