Commentary

The Five Worst British Import Bands

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5. The Streets

I get the impression that Mike Skinner might have convinced some people he is the rapping equivalent of a Guy Ritchie film, like "Lock, Stock..." or "Snatch." He is not a cockney. He is from Birmingham, England, a very long way away from London, and should have an accent more like Ozzy Osbourne (also a "Brummie," as they are called). You are not being sold a legitimate product here. It's like Bryan Adams releasing a country album with a Deep South twang he suddenly "discovered" for marketing purposes. Even worse, you are paying for music that contains insights like "Don't mug yaself mate no wat I meen" and "you're fit but my gosh, don't you just know it." Horrific.

4. Coldplay

Yes, Britain is also responsible for boring everyone to tears several times a minute, which I would imagine is how often Coldplay get played on the radio, in a commercial, or at a really awful dinner party. There's more feeling in one Elton John song than there is in an entire Coldplay album, and not only is that really saying something, Elton still doesn't play the piano in that ultra-annoying standing-with-eyes-closed way, Chris. Unfortunately I support a soccer team that plays in yellow, and someone with one functioning brain cell and hearing problems decided the semi-official club song should be, wait for it, "Yellow." Watch out, insert name of American sports team that plays in yellow here.

3. Bush

Never even made it in the UK, and yet are named after a region of London, because that's where they're from. What did you all see in them? I often get their songs mixed up with Hole (no, I'm not sure how I can manage that either) who are of similar quality and also never made it in the UK. There appears to be a specific style of faux-grimy rock that the UK has managed to reject, even when the band in question is from there. That's a good thing.

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Gavin Cleaver
Contact: Gavin Cleaver