Columns

The Six Vehicles Idiot Criminal Child Justin Bieber Should Be Driving

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All illustrations by Dave Watt
Music journalism can be a pretty tough gig. Between eating complimentary cheese slices at your friend's bar and the women/men constantly sensually caressing your neck-beard for you, it is sometimes difficult to seek out interesting, topical material. Thank God, then, for Justin Bieber -- that sparkling jewel of ridicule that every music journalist dreams of as they comb bits of cheeseburger out of their chest hair.

As you're certainly aware of by now, His Biebness was recently charged with drunk driving and resisting arrest. While we can certainly relate to the resisting arrest charge (why would mere mortal men attempt to arrest a god?), it's difficult to understand why someone as wealthy as Bieber would be driving around in a simple car with his own two soft, childlike hands.

This week, we explore six vehicles that Justin Bieber probably should have been busted for driving while intoxicated, instead of a stupid car like some idiot poor person.

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Drew Ailes
Contact: Drew Ailes