The Six Vehicles Idiot Criminal Child Justin Bieber Should Be Driving

All illustrations by Dave Watt
Music journalism can be a pretty tough gig. Between eating complimentary cheese slices at your friend's bar and the women/men constantly sensually caressing your neck-beard for you, it is sometimes difficult to seek out interesting, topical material. Thank God, then, for Justin Bieber -- that sparkling jewel of ridicule that every music journalist dreams of as they comb bits of cheeseburger out of their chest hair.

As you're certainly aware of by now, His Biebness was recently charged with drunk driving and resisting arrest. While we can certainly relate to the resisting arrest charge (why would mere mortal men attempt to arrest a god?), it's difficult to understand why someone as wealthy as Bieber would be driving around in a simple car with his own two soft, childlike hands.

This week, we explore six vehicles that Justin Bieber probably should have been busted for driving while intoxicated, instead of a stupid car like some idiot poor person.

KEEP THE DALLAS OBSERVER FREE... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Drew Ailes
Contact: Drew Ailes