10. Cruz Steals the Cherry Off His Daughter's Sunday:
9. Cruz Finds Something On His Lip During a Debate:
8. The Thing You Shouldn't Watch if You Ever Want to Watch Cruz Speak Without Being Skeeved Out:
As shown in this video expertly curated by Gawker, our esteemed senator does this godawful thing where he pulls his lips back over his teeth when he's especially pleased with himself during a speech. Once you see it, it can't be unseen.
7. Ted Cruz used to Wander Around Princeton In a Bathrobe:
6. Ted Cruz Scares Kids Part One:
Dogs and small children are the best judges of character — Cruz's daughter in this case,
https://t.co/sLBdwdce8w ted cruz and his daughter reenacting me and my mother when my mother tries to kiss me when i'm sober— Ayla (@vorvolaka) April 18, 2016
5. Ted Cruz Scares Kids Part Two:
In New Hampshire, Cruz learned the hard way that if you use apocalyptic rhetoric, sometimes people will take you literally. "The world is on fire," he said, scaring the daylights out of a 3-year-old girl.
4. Ted Cruz Is Confused by Human Sports:
Last Tuesday, as he ramped up his Indiana campaign, Cruz took the stage in one of the gyms in which the basketball movie classic Hoosiers was filmed. He proceeded to refer to what normal people call a "basketball hoop," "basketball rim" or maybe a "basketball goal" as a "basketball ring." Sarah Palin, no stranger to strange herself, ripped Cruz for it on Facebook.
Smile to complete horror. https://t.co/0VnuzrzzuR— Dieter Kurtenbach (@dkurtenbach) April 27, 2016
3. Ted Cruz Tries Out for The Simpsons:
Cruz believes he does good impressions of several characters from The Simpsons. He does not, although the irony of Cruz doing Kang and Kodos is potent.
2. Cruz Buys Soup:
The day Ted Cruz and wife Heidi got home from their honeymoon, Cruz went to the grocery store and returned with 100 cans of Campbell's Chunky Soup. Depending on how you read the situation, Cruz was either being passive aggressive about the fact that his wife, a finance executive, might not be doing much cooking, or showing her that that was something he'd have no problem dealing with. Either way, it's not something a normal person does — or believes is a good anecdote to make one appear more human on national television.
1. We Get It, Ted, You Watched Porn With Sandra Day O'Connor:
The story itself is strange enough. Ted Cruz, while he was clerking for U.S Supreme Court Chief Justice William Rehnquist in 1996, had to watch internet porn with the justices as part of one of the court's first cases dealing with subject. What brings thing to a Cruzian level is the way Cruz insists on telling the story wherever he can. Watch the videos, he's got the delivery down pat.