Abbott Goes After Watkins! It's The Demagogue vs. The Nose Thumber in a Cage Smackdown! Who Cares!? Not Me!

The big news in local politics today is supposed to be that Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott has publicly slammed Dallas County District Attorney Craig Watkins over how his office handled a civil suit. Yeah. Sorry. Somehow this doesn't rise quite to the level of man-bites-dog for me. More like dogs-will-be-dogs.

It's all about the splendid investigative series Byron Harris has been doing on WFAA-Channel 8 about alleged Texas Medicaid fraud by big dental chains, and I do follow most of those stories with great interest. But maybe not this one.

Abbott's people say Watkins let a Dallas dental-chain owner off easy after the owner's wife gave him a campaign contribution of 10 grand. The big problem with that story appears to be that Watkins gave the money back as soon as he found out who the woman's husband was.

But anyway, so Abbott is giving a public lashing to Watkins? That's news? Personally I'm more excited about watching The International Wrestling Association-Unlimited's "homicidal Steven Davis" in a last-man-standing steel-cage event with Josh "The Intimidator" Totten, which may actually be coming up soon.

This one -- the Abbott-Watkins cage match -- shapes up more like Craig The Nose Thumber against Greg the Demagogue, which I could miss, thank you. "Nose Thumber," because Watkins ducked a subpoena recently by sending word to a Dallas judge that he was busy and sick, plus he was also sick and busy. "Demagogue" because the next edition of Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, when it comes out, will define demagogue as, "Greg Abbott."

And most of what I know about Abbott I learned by reading Unfair Park, which, I admit, could be my own problem. But isn't this the guy who has been waving guns around like Annie Oakley ever since Newtown? He challenged the president of the United States to a skeet-shooting contest to prove the president is not really an American and can't really shoot a shotgun.

Right? Same guy?

He took a two-bit fraud case and tried to turn it into his own personal major victory against the War on Christmas. "Whether it's a Grinch or a convicted felon, the state won't stand by while anyone steals Christmas away from deserving families in our community." Fighting to save Christmas, right? Same guy?

Now, you jump in and correct me if I'm off on this, but is this not the same man who also told us that Hillary Clinton and certain international organizations were about to ride into Texas, take over our elections and permanently subvert our beloved God-given Texas damn sovereignty?

No, really. He did all that.

Here's the last thing, though. Abbott's a big Republican who wants to replace Rick "Oops" Perry as governor. Watkins is a famous Democrat. Five years ago Abbott's people were out snooping on Democratic election workers in their bathtubs to prove that too many Democrats were voting in Dallas County.

From what I know and what I have seen in Dallas County, our local Democrats could well have been in the tub together trading stolen ballots as some kind of sick political rub-a-dub-dub. But you know what? That just makes me even less interested in any of them on either side. Like I say, dogs will be dogs. So excuse me. Got work to do.

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Jim Schutze has been the city columnist for the Dallas Observer since 1998. He has been a recipient of the Association of Alternative Newsweeklies’ national award for best commentary and Lincoln University’s national Unity Award for writing on civil rights and racial issues. In 2011 he was admitted to the Texas Institute of Letters.
Contact: Jim Schutze