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Usually when I get e-mails about facials, I herd them over to the spam folder and try not to look at any attachments, but I figured the one headlined "24k Gold" was probably safe, unless somebody built the Bionic Man and forgot to tell me.

Luxury On Lovers, which is, amazingly, not one of the Observer's back-of-the-book advertisers, but a day spa on West Lovers Lane, claims to be the first in Dallas to offer a skin treatment made of gold called the UMO 24 Karat Gold Facial Treatment. According to the press release, if you're on the receiving end, you get to experience "innovative Asian technology" combined with the "rich, natural healing properties of gold."

This process used to be a bitch since, with gold, "it is very difficult to dissolve and penetrate the skin." (You have seen Goldfinger, right?) What with gold being a solid and all. Before UMO's fancy-pants chemical hoo-ha, "traditional delivery systems" (like QVC?) didn't work. But now you can paste your appetite for needless excess right on your face. Happy day. --Andrea Grimes

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Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.