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But Riding on Floats With Gay People Was One of Tom Leppert's Great Accomplishments

This Texas Republican primary for United States Senate is very compelling in a totally sick twisted way. The opponents are attacking our former mayor Tom Leppert for his few good qualities.

Very few. Needles in a haystack of bad. But his opponents have found those rare needles of good in the man's record and are trying to stick them in his eye.

As a communist hippie liberal pinko son-of-a-bitch Leppert-basher from way back, how do I feel about that? What is my motivation in this scene? Do I feel sorry for Leppert because they're attacking him for his few good qualities? Or am I just glad he's getting roasted no matter what?

Man. So far I feel sort of sad-glad good-bad thank-you-ma'am about the whole Leppert thing. Maybe I need a nap.

At a debate here yesterday, two of Leppert's three rivals lit into him for riding on a float in two gay pride parades while he was mayor of Dallas. Former Texas Solicitor General Ted Cruz (former what again?) and former TV sports person and helicopter parent Craig James said Leppert was a bad bad Leroy Brown for having been in the parade. Current Lieutenant Governor David Dewhurst (current what again?) was a no-show for the Dallas debate.

In one of the more concise statements to date of his own political philosophy, James said, "Man, you have to stand up." He meant Leppert should have stood up to homosexuality by not riding on a homosexual float. I think.

And here's the thing. If Leppert did two even partially somewhat good things in his entire tenure as mayor of Dallas, it was: 1) Riding on a homosexual float, and 2) hanging around with black people on his own and apparently at ease without a huge armed entourage.

In fact, if you really wanted to track the progress of tolerance in Dallas, you'd have to assign credit for a lot of it to the city's top corporate leadership ranks, from which Leppert descended to be mayor. It was the city's corporate leaders, after all -- not hippie commie liberal pinkos like me -- who recruited the city's first black mayor, Ron Kirk, in 1995. Kirk now serves as President Obama's United States Trade Representative. (His what again?)

Lotta people, lotta titles. Forget it. Think of them all as persons of enough importance to have titles but not of sufficient importance for anyone to know what their titles mean. The point here is that corporate people in Dallas probably have done more than anyone else to lead the city into the 20th century. (Given the standard 20-year Dallas time-warp, we'll start working on the 21st century in about 2020). The corporate people just get out of the house more. They tend to travel nationally and internationally, rub shoulders and sit on boards with lots of kinds of people. Then they come home to Dallas where the time is always 20 years ago, look around and say to themselves, "This is not viable."

What's not viable? Well, for one thing, rich white mayors who can't talk to black people. Rich white mayors who don't have respect for gay people. Rich white mayors who say Jesus stuff in city council meetings.

You know -- somebody who's been out and about a little is going to come back, look at that and realize Dallas is going to change one of two ways: good way, bad way. But the old way is toast.

I have to admit that Leppert always had an air of the new way about him. He traveled around in black South Dallas on his own without a squad of armed guards in a black SUV. Whatever his beliefs about how people should screw, he had enough decency and sophistication to keep his mouth shut about it.

I think Leppert knew from his corporate experience that the way you get respect in this world is by giving it. And he did. Now he's taking mortar fire for it from Cruz, the former Solicitation Lieutenant Representative Whatever, and James, the former Hey-Coach-Put-My-Kid-In guy, neither one of whom gets out of the house much, apparently, and both of whom feel perfectly comfortable uttering hate speech about people based on who and how they screw.

Oh, my word. What's a pinko liberal son of a bitch to do? I really disliked Leppert as mayor, based both on his positions on issues and a more personal problem with the way he handled the truth. I thought he was an opportunist and a puppet of consultants and The Money. Now these other Republicans are making him look like a hero.

Next thing you know, they'll go after him for only having one wife, raising his own children, never taking million-dollar bribes as an influence peddler and never having gone through rehab at the Betty Ford Whiskey School in California. Like a real Republican.

Am I going to wind up voting for this guy?

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