Hark! Let he who has ears to hear, let him hear, for the Latter, Latter Day Prophets have spoken. Like Nostradamus and Joseph Smith before them, Perez Hilton, The Superficial and countless numbers of other celebrity gossip blogs have foretold great and terrible things.
Behold, Britney Spears as the Whore of Babylon, "with whom the K-Feds of the earth have committed fornication, and the blog readers of the earth have been made stupid with the pictures thereof" (newly translated from the KJV). Behold, the seven plagues upon the earth: Painful sores are released upon nations/crotches by GGW's Joe Francis; all sea creatures die, killed by a vacationing Courtney Love; rivers turn to blood in an attempt to imitate Kylie Minogue's lipstick; the sun scorches those who curse the name of God, who made an example out of Christina Aguilera; the earth plunges into darkness, pleasing only nightclubber Lindsay Lohan and cursing those forced to look at pictures of her partying; the Euphrates dries up, sucked empty by the parched skin of Sharon Stone; and finally, the shit hits the fan, hail-storm style, forming the earth into great dimples, like those on the backs of Mischa Barton's thighs.
I kind of wanted to give up after plague four, but I was really dedicated to that joke, so I hope you all really soak that in. Anyway, this is what I'm getting at:
The entertainment world's coming to an end, and only you can save it by auditioning for Making The Next Hit, a reality show featuring Lil' Wayne and a bunch of wanna be rappers, producers, dancers, models, singers and comedians who will compete to produce a new hit song. Don't ask me why they need the models and comedians, I'm just passing on what the Craigslist ad says.
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I talked to one of the audition organizers, and he says they're expecting so many people that they had to move the auditions from the Courtyard Marriott at North Central Expressway and Meadow Road all the way to...the Holiday Inn next door. This is bigtime. Holla. Now I gotta get back to working on my beats. --Andrea Grimes