"Eat 'em up, fuckers!"

Yesterday, fresh off a completely unsatisfying late lunch of Lean Cuisine (I believe the flavor was "Catshit in Plastic, with Rosemary Garnish"), I did a little afternoon blogrolling and came across the following Onion item from the Observer's very own Rich Lopez and his personal blog: "Frito Lay Angrily Introduces Line of Healthy Snacks."

Yes, it's true, the Plano-based chipmaker announced a real line of healthy fruit- and vegetable-based snacks back in October, but the Onion recently took it to a new level. Robert "Fingers of Fury" Wilonsky, with whom I have the immense pleasure of sharing an office wall, had to come over and check on me during the conniption fit I had upon reading this paragraph:

"Here," said Frito-Lay CEO Al Carey as he disgustedly tossed a bag of the company's new Flat Earth-brand snack crisps onto the lectern during a meeting with shareholders and members of the press. "Here's some shit that's made from beets. I hope you're all happy now that you have your precious beet chips with the recommended daily serving of fruit, or vegetables, or whatever the hell a 'beet' is."

Want more? Another serving, perhaps? There is so. Much. More. --Andrea Grimes

KEEP THE DALLAS OBSERVER FREE... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Robert Wilonsky
Contact: Robert Wilonsky