"Eat 'em up, fuckers!"

Yesterday, fresh off a completely unsatisfying late lunch of Lean Cuisine (I believe the flavor was "Catshit in Plastic, with Rosemary Garnish"), I did a little afternoon blogrolling and came across the following Onion item from the Observer's very own Rich Lopez and his personal blog: "Frito Lay Angrily Introduces Line of Healthy Snacks."

Yes, it's true, the Plano-based chipmaker announced a real line of healthy fruit- and vegetable-based snacks back in October, but the Onion recently took it to a new level. Robert "Fingers of Fury" Wilonsky, with whom I have the immense pleasure of sharing an office wall, had to come over and check on me during the conniption fit I had upon reading this paragraph:

"Here," said Frito-Lay CEO Al Carey as he disgustedly tossed a bag of the company's new Flat Earth-brand snack crisps onto the lectern during a meeting with shareholders and members of the press. "Here's some shit that's made from beets. I hope you're all happy now that you have your precious beet chips with the recommended daily serving of fruit, or vegetables, or whatever the hell a 'beet' is."

Want more? Another serving, perhaps? There is so. Much. More. --Andrea Grimes


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