WE HAVE A WINNER: While several commenters captured the tone and tenor of a Schutze -- Beck, Grumpy Demo, Michael MacNaughton and Jpgreenan are clearly HUGE fans -- we can have only one winner, and the Iron Fork tickets go to ... dfw75208.
Big round of applause, everyone. We're sure that Jim's proud and happy to see the love that you all share. Or maybe he's gonna get really pissed and stay in the woods, in which case some of you have a leg up on a sweet job that provides all the free pens you can steal, a desk and lots of abuse.
dfw75208, drop a line to email@example.com and once we use the magic of the Internet to verify you are, um, you, we'll arrange to get you those tickets. Enjoy.
Thanks for playing everyone.
Jim Schutze is off to the wilds for a little rest and relaxation the next week -- a trip that he says involves "camping" and "canoeing" and not, as far we know, "Thorazine."
Sure. Whatever. Sadly, that means his loyal commenters on Unfair Park won't have his Get Off My Lawn to chew over -- and up -- for the next few days. Now, we love, love, love all our commenters here on Unfair Park, so rather than have you all suffering acute Schutze withdrawal, we decided to soothe your Jim-jonesing with a chance to win two free VIP tickets to the Observer's Iron Fork competition, which takes place May 8 at the Fashion Industry Gallery, 1807 Ross Ave.
That means free food and drink from local restaurants plus a gift bag and all the other fine things being a VIP brings you and a guest.
So, how do you win?
Easy. In the comments to this post, give us your best Schutze parody. It doesn't have to be long -- a couple of sentences or a paragraph will do it -- but it has to sound Schutzian. (References to Detroit are optional.)
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Around 4 o'clock today, the editors will pick the one comment we think is the most full of Schutze and award the ducats.
Ready? Then take your shot, Lawn fans. If you need a little inspiration, here's a link to today's New York Times.