If Dane Cook's a comedian, why isn't he funny? At all. Ever.

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Wanna see some video of The Great Mark Cuban partying -- by which I mean, talking on the cell phone for about 1.2 seconds outside West Hollywood hot spot Hyde? If so, go here; he's at the end of the clip, between Alias' Michael Vartan and the tranny who wants some jingle balls for Christmas. But he's far from the highlight: It's funnier watching Ian Somerhalder being denied access to Paris Hilton and J.T.'s new fave L.A. hang; c'mon, Somerhalder was the star of The Rules of Attraction, for God's sake. And, like, Lost. Don't you people know who he was?

Dane Cook was there; Tara Reid and Jesse McCartney too. (It's starting to sound like the worst episode of Best Week Ever.) Also note: Michelle Trachtenberg, the girl who won't stop signing autographs, is also the star of the upcoming holiday pic Black Christmas -- which was co-exec-produced by Cuban and Todd Wagner. And now the circle is complete. --Robert Wilonsky

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