Have A Mav-ulous Holiday

Formulating Christmas gift lists and pondering what in the world to get the Dallas Mavericks fan who has everything? I mean, in recent times the Mavs have rid themselves of

the albatross

, made the NBA Finals and

finally beaten the Warriors

. Short of a time machine that could zap us back to the start of the fourth quarter in

Game 3 of the 2006 Finals

, what else could there possibly be?

Why, the team’s Above The Rim 2007-08 gift catalog, silly. Consider it the sporty version of Neiman Marcus’ to-die-for annual. Over the weekend I got my grubby little hands on the catalog -- it “goes beyond foam fingers,” says owner Mark Cuban -- that was mailed to season-ticket holders and will soon be available for purchase at the American Airlines Center’s team shop. And I must admit, “Wow.”

Unless you’re a MFFL that won last week’s lottery or have Cuban’s bank account PIN, most of the stuff belongs on FantasyIsland.com. But just in case, jot down 214-747-MAVS and keep this ranking of the magazine’s 10 most expensive gifts handy.

10. Golf ($25,000): Granted, it’s a round with Jerry Stackhouse at Dallas National Golf Club, but you’d have to beat him out of a $8,333 Nassau bet just to break even.

9. Travel ($300,000): A four-day, three-night excursion for you and seven guests to Paradise Island, Bahamas. Half the fun is getting there with Devin Harris on the team’s private jet.

8. Owner For A Day ($20,000): Lunch with team execs, sit courtside and attend the post-game press conference. Additional surcharge for liberty to berate officials.

7. Orange County Chopper ($100,000): Customized with Mavs logos and includes parking at all home games.

6. Game Room ($100,000): Complete with custom NBA hardwood floor, two framed game-worn Mavs jerseys, logo on a wall, leather Mavs recliners, custom pool table and life-sized Dirk Nowitzki bobblehead. What, no electronic gizmos from the king of the Internet?

5. Mavs Mustang ($90,000): Mavs logo on the hood and blue flames along the doors. Don’t think it comes with one of those really loud and annoying muffler enhancer thingies, but I’d check first.

4. Mavs Bentley ($320,000): See No. 5. Insert class, home-game parking and Grey Poupon.

3. Player For A Day ($20,000): Comes with a genuine one-day contract signed by Cuban, personalized team photo and authentic personalized jersey (No. 41 is taken). You’ll get to suit up and warm-up with the team, attend morning shootaround, get interviewed by Mavs announcers on live TV and host a post-game party in your suite at the W Hotel. Groupies not included.

2. Dirk Doll ($20,000): Imagine the dinner conversations you’ll spark with your life-sized, 7-foot bobblehead with the lifetime guarantee. And imagine the questions marks it’ll create after Nowitzki some day retires and disappears back to Wurzburg.

1. Dancer For A Night ($20,000): After practicing, and sweating, with the hotties for two weeks, you’ll perform with the group during a game with your friends and family watching from your private suite. The gift’s real value: sleepover in your suite at W Hotel. Pillow fight? --Richie Whitt

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