Havnt Heard Frm U, TXStudlyHottie4U83. Where R U?

Imagine the scene: You're out on the town, schmoozing with friends and spending wads of cash. Or you're busy running errands: hitting up the grocery store, picking up your dry cleaning, taking the dog for a walk. Whatever it is, you're not sitting at home alone in your underwear trolling for tail on the Internet.

But wouldn't you like to be? Don't you want to be reminded anywhere and everywhere that you signed up for an online matchmaking service and are partially relying on a computer to provide you with emotional or sexual fulfillment? Of course you do. And Dallas-based Match.com both knows it and is happy to bring it to you in your pocket or purse or the palm of your sweaty hand.

Unfair Park received a press release for MatchMobile, the cell-phone version of online dating site Match.com. With MatchMobile, you "won't have to wait to hear from a potential date or mate." Why? Because "members can receive free text alerts when someone winks or emails." That's right, ladies. When the horny married guy trying to escape his loveless union tries to schedule his next booty call, your cats (the ones you trained to check your e-mail) will no longer be the first to know.

Another upside: You know that sly fox you've been e-mailing four times a day with details about your future life together, names of children, who's taking out the trash, etc.? The one you're sure is playing hard to get because they were so incredibly flattered by the composite photograph you made of your potential offspring?

They'll be yours in no time, since "I've been away from my computer" and "my e-mail has been acting funny" and "I'm going to report you to IT" are no longer valid excuses when MatchMobile is right there on your phone. Right, TXStudlyHottie4U83? Right?!?!? --Andrea Grimes

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