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Snooping around on the Shitty Tipper Database at bitterwaitress.com, I decided to enter "Dallas" into the search engine and see who I could find. Mary Lou Retton popped up, as did Norman Brinker (and at a Chili's, no less), comedian Steve Harvey, "Coach Nelson" (Say it ain't you, Don!), Kenny "The Snake" Stabler and "40 kids from church youth group + minister." To all those offenders, here's the necessary form for redemption; may God have mercy on your cheap, cheap souls. --Merritt Martin