Despite the fact that there have been three armed robberies of pedestrians in the Lower Greenville area in the past month, people still think the area's just full of yard-pissing drunks. Not my man of the hour! He recently moved into new digs in The LG and christened my first visit to his place with a handy lipstick-sized container of mace.
Trouble is, walking around with a bulging purse at night seems like the equivalent of carrying a blinking neon sign: "ROB ME!" And however small and adorable my new self-defense spray is, I don't like the thought of sticking it in my pocket at close crotchal range. That's why I need a Hip-Hop Holsta: a Garland-made gun-slingin'-type apparatus meant to hold your cell phone, your iPod and various other "high-tech toyz."
You can order your $29.95 leather holsta -- which, yes, will help you "maintain ya flossin status" -- in a variety of colors, including black, brown and camo. Or if hip-hop isn't your thing, the marketing geniuses at Courtney Innovations on Shiloh Road have created the indie-rock version: Hardcore Holster, because "wearing a shoulder holster looks so intense."
I got to see a Holsta in person this week during Monday night's Jukebox Lounge night at the Cavern, where we were treated to a fine soul-spinning DJ, $2 wells and a dude named Skip in full-on Holsta gear. With goggly glasses, skinny jeans and a mess of wild hair, Skip was definitely more Hardcore than Hip-Hop, but the Holsta was a hit nonetheless. The bouncers were initially freaked out, then thoroughly impressed, by the Holsta, in which Skip did indeed carry his high-tech toyz.
In conclusion, a plea: samples, please, for one and all at Unfair Park! I gotta see one on Bible Girl. --Andrea Grimes
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