Ice Storm! Cold drizzle.
Once again, we've been duped by local weatherpeople. And I, for one, don't think it's a honest mistake. I smell a cold, contrived, conspiracy.
Last night I watched Channel 8's Pete Delkus and Fox4's Dan Henry both warn us of impending doom. "Ice Storm" Delkus blared. "Significant 36-hour event" crowed Henry. So, like you, I ran out and bought a generator, some Funyuns, 3 bags of sand/salt mix and put the snow chains on the family truckster.
It's going to be 1979 all over again!
And this morning? Sure enough, you can almost see them trying to stifle a giggle as they yet again play Lucy to our Charlie Brown.
Where have you gone, Harold Taft?
Funny, temperatures that were predicted to plunge into the 20s never even got below freezing. (Shame on you, too, iPhone Weather Bug App.) The "Ice Storm!" banners of last night have been subtlely downgraded this morning to "Ice Approaching North Texas."
What. A. Joke.
I awoke to Channel 8's Alexa Conomos warning that "ice could be forming on bridges and overpasses" while cars zoomed behind her on the video green screen at around 84mph. There was a TxDot spokesman on the phone saying "We don't have any reports of ice so far but if you see any, call us."
And, the worst insult of all, behind the rolling "Ice Storm Warning!" scroll a Channel 8 reporter - I think it was the esteemed Jim Douglas - filed his report while, yep, standing in a puddle of water.
Said Channel 8 practice-squad weatherman Greg Fields, "We've been lucky so far."
Yeah, right. To his dismay, I got the kid ready for school.
"What the ...?" he asked.
"We've been lied to," I consoled him. "Get used to it."
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See, just like the rest of us dorks in the media, weatherfolks are fighting for ratings. Pretty simple, really. "Ice Storm!" will draw more viewers than "Mild drizzle!" They tell us the sky will produce falling igloos on Monday night and we get up early to watch Tuesday morning.
Shockingly, the ice that was supposed to be here this morning now won't move in until this afternoon or even, hmm, how convenient, right around tonight's 6:16 p.m. weathercasts. So, ya know, stay tuned throughout the day to track this Arctic Armegeddon or, suit yourself, watch ESPN and face certain death.
Nobody's perfect, I get that. When I botch several predictions on Cowboys' games, I fess up. But when a weatherdufus blows the prediction - or even fudges the expected low temperature a couple degrees to seemingly enhance the likelihood of wet streets turning into skating rinks - there's no accountability.
Just tell us you were wrong. If not, we're going to assume you lied.