Harold Dieterle, winner of Top Chef's first season, knows his way around meat. Wait. That sounds wrong.

Is You a Top Chef? Then Pack Your Knives and Go.

I told the missus I gots plans this weekend: to audition for our fave TV show, Top Chef. (Actually, it's our second-fave, but Project Runway's fourth season is a loooooong way off.) The missus says it's a bad idea: "Just because you have a man-crush on Sam doesn't mean you can cook like him," she says, and I hates it when she's right. But if you're hot to trot out your Quickfire Challenge abilities -- or you're just a cocky oddball like Marcel or want the chance to be told by Tom Colicchio that your food tastes like warmed-over ass -- then show up Saturday from noon to 2 p.m. at the Art Institute of Dallas or make it to the Hard Rock Cafe from noon to 4 p.m. Sunday and try out.

Yup, Bravo's holding open casting calls for Top Chef this weekend in Dallas; other cities getting the nod are Los Angeles, Miami and New York City, and that's it. So, yeah, kind of a big deal. Me, I know I can cook way better than, oh, bye-bye Betty or don't-miss-ya Marisa, but the missus tells me to put the knife back in the block, padnuh, and cool off. So I hope you make the cut. --Robert Wilonsky

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