Jessica Simpson Demoted, No Longer a Major Movie Star. Gee, Ya Think?

I missed the October 30 episode of Late Night with Conan O'Brien during which the Cone-Zone screened some pirated footage from Major Movie Star, which was then in release only in Russia and Bulgaria -- where Jessica Simpson is great success. O'Brien then brought out professional prattler James Lipton, who implored Jess to show her Private Benjamin ripoff to those who could, in fact, speak-a the English. Lipton turned to the camera and told Simpson "not to hide your light under a bushel, or in this case, leave your feces behind the iron curtain [for] the fertilizer grows the rose."

Alas, Sony Pictures Home Entertainment has heeded Lipton's words: Major Movie Star, now retitled Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous, arrives today on home video  -- complete with deleted scenes and a making-of! The trailer's after the jump, but be warned: Steve Guttenberg Alert.

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