Just Because Jim's Paranoid Doesn't Mean...Hey, Get Yer Hands Offa Me!

I know exactly what the election results are going to be: the biggest, most amazing Republican majority ever, bigger than the best majority Jimmy Hoffa ever got in a Teamsters election. I think the Republicans will all win by 100 percent to zero. I also don't think you'll be hearing from me again. Or this blog.

I believe that when I wake up there will be vans waiting in the streets, their motors running. We will be taken to large estates in Connecticut, where we will be given our work assignments. I am hoping for the mulch crew. I always loved George Bush. The whole liberal thing: I was just kidding! Wow, I can't believe anybody could have missed that. I seem to be sweating through my sport coat. Gross! --Jim Schutze

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