Mark Cuban Shows His Ass, But Does Not Fall On It

I'm not gonna lie -- this image, taken directly from my HDTV and now seared into my consciousness with the white-hot fury of a million suns, is pretty much all I remember about Mark Cuban's foxtrotting debut last night on Dancing With the Stars. It's the Dallas Mavericks owner's hip-replacement scar, of course, which allowed for at least one grabbing-my-rod joke during his impressive and impressively affable 21-outta-30 points appearance. Not exactly "dance-floor disaster," not exactly "ballroom bliss," said judge Len Goodman. Said my mildly impressed missus: "He pulled it off." Tonight's the first elimination -- book it, the guy ain't getting a kick in the ass out the door just yet. Not unless he tries this:

And since Jane Seymour is on the show (she is amazing), I promised I would try to get the Motorboat in a future routine as a tribute to her making it famous in The Wedding Crashers.

Patience, Mark. Patience. --Robert Wilonsky

Update: For those who missed Mark's appearance last night, here 'tis -- sans ass cheek.

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