| Schutze |

Now We're Really Screwed: Asians Are America's Fastest-Growing Immigrant Group

Oh, damn. Now white people are going to have to defend themselves on a second front. First it was the Mexicans swarming into the country and out-working us. Now the Asians are coming here in droves and out-smarting us.

What's left for whites? Bowling?

The big news in immigration today is a new Pew Research Center study showing that Asians have surpassed Hispanics as America's biggest immigrant group. In fact Asian immigration probably surpassed Hispanic immigration a couple years ago, and it's just now getting noticed.

Not that it hasn't been on the radar. A Brookings Institution speaker at a conference held by the American Enterprise Institute in March said: "The local high school where my kids go to school has a huge stream of Asian immigrants coming in who are driving up standards like crazy and making it hard for us to compete."

And it's not exactly like we've been caught entirely napping. The U.S. Department of Education's Office for Civil Rights is looking at charges by Asians that Harvard and Princeton routinely discriminate against them. So at least somebody's out there defending the race.

In the end, an attack is an attack. It doesn't matter if they come at us from below and steal those stoop-labor jobs our kids were just dying to get or from above and take away our Ph.Ds. We do know how to handle this stuff.

In Michigan this year, on the 30th anniversary of the murder of Asian immigrant Vincent Chin by men who blamed Asians for tanking the American auto industry, a political ad on TV featured an Asian actress speaking broken English who said: "Your economy get very, very weak, ours get very good. We take your jobs."

Yeah. Make fun of them! That always works.

But what about the future? If immigrants of color are going to come here and both outwork us and outsmart us, what's going to happen to white people? What about our children?

The Pew study does offer one avenue of hope. It reports that between 2008 and 2010, 29 percent of all Asian-origin newlyweds in this country married non-Asians. So at least our kids have a shot at marrying one of them.

It's too bad you can't marry two people. That way a white kid could marry both a really smart Ph.D.-type Asian and a really hard-working entrepreneurial Hispanic. Jeez, just think. From then on the kid could go bowling every day. Plus, that way our own kid would have two people of color right there in the house to make fun of.

It's scary, but we need to think positive. Where there's a white, there's a way.

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