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Keep Dallas Observer Free
4

Poor Mr. Ford

For some reason, Richie does not approve of Mike Modano's marriage to Willa Ford.

Last season Mike Modano had the captain’s “C” ripped off his Dallas Stars sweater. And last week, he apparently had his testicles removed. By his new wife. Watching the newlyweds give a tour of their Dallas home on MTV’s Cribs, you learn that the couple has matching Mercedes, dogs named Scout and Bella and electric drapes, ya know, because they’re so damned lazy. You also learn who wears the Dockers in the family, and it ain’t No. 9.

While Modano, who married actress Willa Ford a few days ago, gets to have his lucky elephant facing the front door and a “man room” equipped with three 52-inch hi-defs, he also gets repeatedly yanked around in the almost uncomfortable segment. (Uncomfortable -- or perhaps it was just me, uneasy in my envy.) Willa, wearing an oh-so-tight burgundy tank top for those of us more enamored of curves than curtains, tells viewers she can whip Mike’s ass in pool, ridicules his battalion of hair products, calls him an “idiot” for laughing at her description of their dual-head shower and proclaims a side bathroom as “the crapper -- no No. 2s in the master bath, right, honey?” She also squeezes hubby’s ass, so I guess we’ll call it even.

While Modano mumbles through a few lines, Willa dominates the tour, showing off her color-coordinated bras (“a little something sexy for the boys”), revealing that she’s lactose intolerant and, when it starts raining, provocatively announcing that “I’m gonna get wet for you.”

She even takes a stab at the Stars which, after all, seems reasonable. While Mo is proudly displaying his chopper the team gave him for 1,000 goals and 1,000 games, Ford interjects, “Athletes on motorcycles -- good mix, Stars.” Domineering or not, when Mike tires of Willa, the lines forms behind me.

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