The Great Will Clarke -- author of Lord Vishnu's Love Handles and The Worthy; Friend of Unfair Park; and all-around swell American -- is in big effin' trouble with the God-fearin' folk of Rhode Island. Looks like the parents of a high-school girl took great offense at Clarke's eight-page-long contribution to the book When I Was a Loser: True Stories of (Barely) Surviving High School -- an autobiographical short story titled "How to Kill a Boy That Nobody Likes." Maw and Paw Kettle found the story "pornographic in nature," reports The Call in progressive Woonsocket. Kick. Ass.

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Better still are the comments: "Bill O'Reiily of FoxNews should here about this....AND THE REST OF THE COUNTRY FOR GOODNESS SAKES !!!!!" And, "I HAD ENOUGH with these liberal tacts and antics. ENOUGH !!" And, "We just had a school shooting in Ohio......ENOUGH !!!!" Writes Clarke on his blog: "I can smell the books burning from here." --Robert Wilonsky