A little swami music, please.
A week from now, a consulting firm called McKinsey & Company will present the Dallas City Council with a report on what Dallas could do to get smarter. And that report is going to be total bullshit.
For the last several months, ever since the study was announced, the mayor and council members and top city staffers have all been saying, "We'll have to wait and see what the McKinsey report says."
Ask them what they plan to do about the homeless: Wait and see what McKinsey says. Ask what they intend to do on choosing a place to put a second rail line through downtown: Wait and see what McKinsey says.
OK, my problem is this: I know what McKinsey is going to say, and not because McKinsey told me. A spokeswoman said they have an official policy of never speaking on the record to the press. She did offer to talk to me off the record, but I declined. I'm uncomfortable talking romantic with strangers.
The people at City Hall want to pretend they don't know what McKinsey will say. But please. Give me credit for a little bit of intelligence, and I guess I must mean a very little bit. I got some of this right when I wrote about it once before ("Deal," July 29, 2004).
My hunch in July was that McKinsey had been brought in by Robert Decherd, chairman, president and CEO of Belo Corp., owner of The Dallas Morning News. Decherd has a keen interest in City Hall and downtown. Part of what I said then was: "I looked hard for direct links between McKinsey and Belo and did not find them. But McKinsey tends not to leave footprints."
After that column ran, I received at least a dozen e-mails and voice messages--people calling me un-nice names like "Mr. Magoo." One was from a breathless cell phoner who sounded like he was lurking in a boiler room in the bowels of the Morning News building. In an urgent whisper, he said: "Are you kidding, 'no direct links?' Sheesh! McKinsey's everywhere over here. They're in the house! They're running this place."
Belo never returns my calls on stuff like this. But after that column ran, I also received good information that I believe confirmed one of my better conspiracy theories about all this, even though the mayor denies it and implies politely that I may need medication. I said I thought the McKinsey study was part of the grease in a deal between Decherd and the mayor.
Look, this is simple. Just think of Decherd as the Penguin and Mayor Laura Miller as Catwoman. The deal is for Catwoman to help the Penguin set up one of his pet projects, a private government for downtown, in return for which the Penguin helps Catwoman with one of hers--a referendum to establish a strong mayor system in Dallas.
Together, they rule the world!
Specifically I noted in July that prominent Dallas lawyer David Laney had spoken up to say he was going to lead the way to put a strong mayor system on the ballot in May, and I suggested that Laney and Decherd might be closely tied. I received phone calls after that column ran--I recognized voices from some of the "Mr. Magoo" calls--pointing out that Laney is not just close to Decherd: He's his cousin. Apparently this fact was first published in the Dallas Observer ("Belowatch," April 27, 1995).
Fine. I confess. I have not mastered all of the begets and begats of the ancient all-cousin oligarchy of old Dallas, a hoary list that makes light reading of the Old Testament.
But I do know by now that some kind of agreement exists. Out of it, Catwoman is supposed to get a lot more power over the city council. And the Penguin and other major players in the downtown business community are supposed to get a "limited government corporation," or LGC, giving them great sway over zoning, planning and transportation issues downtown.
In addition to not knowing that McKinsey and Belo were bonded at the hip and not knowing that Decherd and Laney were cousins, I have volunteered the fact that I don't know if the LGC thing is good or bad. And I'm not even sure about strong mayor. How much more can one man not know?
On the one hand, it's a good thing to have guys like Decherd invested and involved in downtown. They're just going to go away some day if City Hall keeps giving them the jitters by acting cuckoo. If control is the price they exact for investment, we have to weigh the deal on its merits.