The Box: My Top 10 Questions.

The Box.jpg
Sorry, guess again.
​What better way to beat Walking Pneumonia than by chilling at the movies, hopped up on Zithromax, Mucinex and Milk Duds?

And, dare I say, checking out Cameron Diaz' box.

I love "Would you accept $5 million in exchange for once a day, every day, going into a completely darkened room for an hour during which at some point you would be administered a tangible level of pain short of permanent disability, dismemberment and death?" hypotheticals. So I saw The Box last night.

I'm a pretty black-or-white, in-or-out guy. But color me gray, I'm still not sure what I saw. Is it a hypothetical piece of genius, brilliantly framed by life-out-there wonderment and pastel '70s color? Or is it merely a cheesy sci-fi, culled from the cutting room floor of The Twilight Zone?

I'd have a better answer, if I didn't have some many damn questions.

10. I grew up in the '70s. Pretty sure we didn't have "911". Back then it was old-fashioned "0" for operator and "emergency." Right?

9. Lots of folk are zombie-like "employees". They stare. They walk. They don't talk. Their noses bleed. Except one kid. He likes to make fun of clubbed feet and pick fights with adults. Why was he special again?

8. Why did I think something was up with leaving the Christmas lights on all night?

7. All these husbands have to decide between shooting their wife or having their child blind and deaf or wild wealth. I dunno, I'd be tempted to keep the 1970s' market $1 million and maintain a semblance of a family. You?

6. Headquarters for this super duper level of intelligence was headquarted in an airport hanger. And the walk to "the light" was like 500 yards. Significance?

5. The babysitter named Sara or somethingorother lives in Virginia, but she's actualy from Massachussetts. Cue the X-Files creepy music and all, but so?

4. If weird dudes are ever chasing you in a library, run don't walk. And if three walls of water suddenly appear, why wouldn't you ask a lot of questions before you just haphazardly jump into one?

3. If you see your husband in being chased by dudes in said library, "Psst!" at him or something. Deal?

2. What happened to Cameron Diaz? Once upon a time she was smokin' hot in The Mask.

1. If "The Box" mastermind is indeed a higher being who works for higher beings who make and control lightning, why can't he fix his friggin' face?

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