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Things You Can Learn About Dallas If You Read The New York Times

"If I give you good price, will you please put in pussy magnet?"
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Today, you may have read on FrontBurner this item concerning The New York Times' article about the "Inappropriate Yoga Guy" phenomenon, featuring a creepy dude at the Dallas Yoga Center who had to be reigned in after some forward attempts at convincing his fellow yoga-doers to assume the Humping Dog position. But The Times doesn't stop there: The Paper of Record has two more big ups today to middle-aged local dudes.

First off it's Frisco's very own Hal Waldrop, who, at age 49, is an owner of a green Pontiac Solstice. Seems Waldrop was one of the first in town to own one of the mid-life-crisis-mobiles, back when they were in high demand and low supply. Of his car, Waldrop is quoted as saying: "I cannot stop at a gas station without someone walking up and telling me how much they like it." Unfortunately, supply is now way up and demand way, way down. Today, The Times reports, they can barely give the things away. Sorry, Hal.

Next, it's the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, a group comprised of middle-aged dudes who met in Dallas to make important rulings about what people should and should not do, like molest kids. They get a shout-out in this article, which mentions how, in 2004, the USCoCB formally decreed, right here within our own city limits, that they would adopt a "zero-tolerance policy on sexual abuse," something common sense apparently does not dictate, thus requiring the official mandate. So seriously, guys, stop that, like, now, or you're totally not going to be tolerated.

According to the aforementioned article, the Dallas zero-tolerance policy did not stop sexual abuse from continuing, unreported, at the St. Dominic Savio Middle School in upstate New York. Please try to keep your expressions of shock at a reasonable volume. --Andrea Grimes

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Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.


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