According to at least two magazines we've read this week, Dallasites look something like Robert Crumb.

We Dallasites Are a Weak, Ugly People

Things we've learned from reading magazine surveys this week: According to Travel + Leisure, we've got great barbecue and ugly people, and no way in hell would you wanna bring your family or company employees or, good God, your girlfriend to Dallas, unless it was just a quick layover at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport. Hard to get around too -- almost Los Angeles-like, you might say. Not a top-three finish in the bunch -- how ever do we live here, especially when locals say the one good thing about livin' here ain't so good to begin with?

So, we're ugly. Oh, and we are a scrawny, weak people too -- so says no less a muscular subject than Muscle & Fitness Magazine. Good thing the latest ish isn't yet online -- it'd be too much to bear. So let me break it to you gently: Out of the 10 strongest cities in the U.S., Dallas ranks at No. 8. And that was so barely: "As one of the most populated cities in our top 10, it had to work hard to gain purchase on the eighth spot." We'll work harder, swear. Right after we finish smoking this cigarette with the ugly people with whom we're stuck in traffic. --Robert Wilonsky

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