Welcome to Hell, Suckers

On a day when it's supposed to reach 129 degrees, the Dallas Convention & Visitors Bureau is welcoming to town some 90 "travel writers, producers and public relations professionals" for the 2006 Society of American Travel Writers Central States chapter meeting, which takes place at the Hyatt Regency downtown. According to the CVB's president and CEO Phillip Jones in a press release just sent to those of us dumb-ass enough to live here year-round, "SATW hasn't met in Dallas since 1985, which gives us a valuable opportunity to introduce destination journalists from coast-to-coast to our many new developments, cultural, shopping, dining and entertainment opportunities." The travel writers, who will surely be wondering why they aren't in Aruba or Paris or Jersey City, will be visiting all the usual suspects: the Nasher Sculpture Center, the Dallas Museum of Art, the Mansion on Turtle Creek, Belo Corporation's headquarters (for "professional workshops," and screw you too) and Fort Worth (which strikes me as a bad idea, because I can just see all the stories that read, "Visit Dallas, but stay in Fort Worth"). They'll also be treated to lunch with Mayor Laura at Hyatt's Antares restaurant (because we want visitors to taste the best mediocre has to offer) and get a look at International Terminal D at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport, which is ugly as hell but might just be the best part of the city--the escape hatch. Y'all have fun now, y'hear? --Robert Wilonsky

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