Whitt's End: 10.09.09

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Whether you're at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt's End:

*Ho hum, The Ticket's dynasty rolls on as one of the most dominant entities in sports. In September's Arbitron PPM ratings - I hear, by the way, that only 1,400 meters are used to garner these numbers - The Ticket remains the No. 1 station among Men 25-54 with a 7.7. Way down the list is ESPN Radio at 3.0 (13th) and further down 105.3 The Fan at 2.1 (22nd). I'll let Dallas' Only Daily's Barry Horn break down the hour-by-hour details.

*Wither Rudy Jaramillo? I know he's coaxed gaudy stats and MVPs out in Arlington, but I think the time has come for the Texas Rangers' hitting coach to go. The Rangers are moving forward with a philosophy of pitching and defense, which doesn't jive with Jaramillo's boom-or-bust mantra reliant upon hacking at the first pitch. The Rangers were second in the majors in homers but third in strikeouts and 26th in walks. Rudy sets off fireworks, but he doesn't manufacture runs. Combine that with how he monkeyed with Josh Hamilton's swing, couldn't fix Chris Davis and makes almost as much as manager Ron Washington, I'd be surprised if he's back in 2010.

*Depending on which you value, Dallas, you're either 9th, 46th or 48th. (Hint: I'd cherish sports if I were you.)

*My attention to detail is going to drive me insane. I find myself listening to commercials during radio breaks and analyzing their faults. Weird, I admit. Under the microscope today: "Here's another Nattyism, from Natural Light." After the guy introduces the ad, we hear a beep from what sounds like an old-school answering machine. But after a robot-speaking woman begins her bit, she stops and the beep repeats. What the frick? Is she leaving two separate messages? If so, why? And immediately after she uses "today's Nattyism" in a sentence, we get yet another beep, followed by what sounds like a pillowcase full of firewood falling off a desk onto a hardwood floor. Seriously, what is that thuuuuud? Did she fall over dead after delivering such an exhaustive performance? Then, to top it off, comes Natural Light's oh-so-clever tag line: "Now You're Talkin". In other words, three thumbs down.

*I know I'm in the minority on this one, but I like Brent Musburger.

*Cowboys play Sunday in Kansas City, where the Chiefs are coached by familiar face Todd Haley. Remember back when the former receivers coach's wife, Chrissy, was served a rat in her McDonald's salad in Southlake? I certainly do.

*This never gets old. To me, at least.

*Jerry Jones could sell mittens to Ted Williams' frozen head. Well, couldn't he?


*Not. (WTF?! - What The Foot?!)

*Wait until you get a load of Dirk Nowitzki's pre-season look. Long, shaggy hair. Headband. Looks like Bill Walton circa 1977. Or better yet, looks like he could play on this team.

*One of the things I liked about Barack Obama's campaign was his promise to bring home troops from Iraq. But last week I heard he was merely planning to re-locate them to Afghanistan. Pissed me off. I know all politicians lie, but isn't there a way to keep track of their promises and broken promises? Yes, in fact, there is. I guess 47-7 isn't that bad of a record. But still, Nobel Prize? Seems more like an indication of how much the world hated Dubya than how much it thinks of Obama.

*I know I'm in the minority on this one, but I don't like U2. Well, take that back, it's not that I don't like them. I'm just not moved by their music.

*I know I'm in the minority on this one, but I like Patricia Arquette.

*My crystal ball says Mark Cuban will defeat the SEC. Again.

*College football > NFL. I base this on one's enthusiastic fans and the other's intrusive referees.

*Sorry, but Swine Flu doesn't scare me. Na na nuh-NA-na!

*If you still think it's baseball season - or you're already looking forward to 2010 in Arlington - I suggest clicking right here.

*I know I'm in the minority on this one, but I like Thievery Corporation.

*Nancy Grace is a bitch.

*So first we spent $80 million bomb the moon in search of water. When it doesn't work, we claim it wasn't really a bomb and we were only looking for liquid? Again, I say disband NASA and re-direct every penny spent in our space program into a real civilian bailout and - voila - a better country. No?

*Oprah is at the State Fair today. And no, smartass, she's not a livestock exhibit.

*Allow me to make this public service announcement: If at any time customers become dissatisfied with my services provided - be it columns in the Dallas Observer, items on the Sportatorium blog or radio show content at 105.3 The Fan - they will be entitled to a full reimbursement of funds spent on said services. Call it my guarantee. Deal?

*Two things on my to-do list this weekend that may or may not be related: 1. LASIK eye surgery. 2. Zombieland. Make that three things. Cowboys pre-game show Sunday 9a-Noon.

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