Whether you're at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt's End:
*Haven't gotten a chance to ask him about it yet, but did I miss something or is Babe Laufenberg leaving CBS 11? Maybe he was buying CBS 11. Did I get that wrong? UPDATE: Says Laufenberg in a text to me: "Looks like we are working something out." Stay tuned.
*I say Sunday's tilt in Minneapolis is the biggest game for the Cowboys' franchise since Super Bowl XXX.
*I was in the Metrodome for Vikings 27, Cowboys 10 in a January 2000 playoff game. Loudest building I've ever been in. On that day, Jeff George was a better quarterback than Troy Aikman. Ouch.
*The carnage in Haiti is unfathomable. Latest estimates say Tuesday's 7.0 earthquake has already claimed 50,000 lives. For a little perspective, final death toll for 9/11: 2,973.
*The U.S. has pledged $100 million in earthquake aid. Are you old enough to remember when $1 million was a lot of money?
*Don't know what's going on with Jason Witten this season, but he has as many false-start penalties (6) as Flozell Adams.
*Vladimir Guerrero a Texas Ranger? It's a good move and all, but won't it be akin to seeing Donovan McNabb in a Cowboys' uniform? Or Shaq as a Maverick? Intriguing. Fascinating. But, ultimately, I don't expect him to be the impact player who made us so hate him in the first place. Or whatever.
*In the debate/race bewteen Rick Perry and Kay Bailey Hutchison, give me Libertarian Debra Medina.
*My working premise is that American Idol is a rigged show aimed at earning ratings over selecting real talent. I'll prove that point right here on this blog next week. Stay tuned.
*Sarah Palin's got a job as a analyst on Fox News Channel? Nooooo! You don't say? What's next, Mark McGwire admits to using steroids? You'll have to tell me about Palin's performance. I'd rather be subjected to 24 hours of C-Span Classic. Or whatever.
*When Erick Dampier misses two clutch free throws like he did in the loss to the Lakers the other night, just rub your hands together and repeat after me: Trade bait.
*Dallas cop Bryan Crews texted nude photos of himself to a 17-year-old girl during her day at an area high school. Got him fired. If only the iPhone came with a "Time Machine/Unsend" app. That'd be way cool. Or whatever.
*Had a girl say to me this week: "This isn't fun, it's gross." Was I A) Gardening; B) Having sex; C) Dreaming; or D) Finger-painting?
*Talk about a team who picked a good year to have a bad year, the Dallas Stars have lost nine consecutive road games and are in last place in their division. The good news: It's football season. Nobody has noticed.
*Where were you when Drew Pearson caught Roger Staubach's 1975 Hail Mary? If you're name is Miles Austin, you were still nine years from birth. Wow.
*Conan O'Brien > Jay Leno. But, really, they both suck. Mainstream, mundane one-liners that any 9-year-old could get. Give me Jon Stewart any day. Saw NBC poohbah Dick Ebersol in the Cowboys' locker room last week. Who knew he was preparing to deliver these zingers to Conan: "astounding failure", "chicken-hearted" and "gutless." Or whatever.
*Hot.
*Not.
*Is there a more dangerous douche bag with a prominent pulpit than Pat Robertson? The televangelist this week called the earthquake a "blessing in disguise" and said it was payback for a deal Haiti made with the devil. A deal, he says, that blanketed Haiti with a curse in exchange for being freed from rule by "Napoleon the third ... or whatever." I think I'll start punctuating every wild-ass guess with the clever caveat of "or whatever." Takes you right off the hook, no?
*Check that, Rush Limbaugh is Pat Robertson on steroids.
*Of the quarterbacks left in the playoffs, who'da thunk that gunslinger Brett Favre would have thrown the fewest interceptions? Favre (7) has less than Tony Romo (9), Phillip Rivers (9), Drew Brees (11), Joe Flacco (12), Kurt Warner (14), Peyton Manning (16) and Mark Sanchez (20).
*I still think President Obama is making America a better place. And I still cringe when folks give former President Dubya Bush a standing ovation at last week's Cowboys game. But I'll admit, Obama is so far uninspiring when it comes to keeping campaign promises. For example, as of today Guantanamo Bay's doors are still open for business.
*Balsa wood > Tommy Tuberville. Or whatever.
*Today is actually something called National Hat Day. A perfect time to hear from the conspiracy theorists who say the Cowboys' season turned around at the exact point in time in which Tony Romo started his hat turned around. To me that theory is asinine. Or whatever.
*If the geeky dude in the White House Office of Management and Budget can get crazy laid by hot chicks, there's hope for everyone. Of course, it reiterates just how much women are hypnotized by power. Why is that? Is it simply that the more their man has, the less they'll be expected to do? Or whatever.
*If you're looking for deal-closing music from a group you've never heard of before, may I offer up The XX. You're welcome.
*Whatever you do, don't waste time and money on Up in the Air. Golden Globe nominations my ass. Saw it this week and felt like I was watching a Travel Channel documentary for frequent fliers. I almost walked. I think I fell asleep. Or whatever.
*Vikings 23, Cowboys 21. Or whatever. Minnesota is 8-0 at home and has a Hall of Fame quarterback who can make game-planning a senseless exercise with his all-time ad-libbing. I don't like Flozell Adams matched up with Vikings' pass-rusher Jared Allen. Surprisingly, Adams has given up more sacks (8) than he's committed false-start penalties (6). And I give the kicking edge to Ryan Longwell, who is 26 of 28 this season. Shaun Suisham is 8 of 13 all-time in domes. I hope I'm wrong. I think I'm right.
*The answer, sadly, is B. Thankfully, it occured within C. Or whatever.
*Noon kickoff Sunday means early-morning partying, right? Join me and Jagger and Larry Brown at Duke's in Bedford for the 105.3 The Fan Cowboys Pre-Game Show at the brisk hour of 9 a.m. My forecast: Bottomless mimosas. Or whatever.
