Whitt's End: 1.29.10

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Whether you're at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt's End:

*One month into 2010, how's your New Year's resolution going? Mine? I was gonna be more positive and less cynical and ... oh, screw it. Resolutions never last or else they'd call them New Year's changes.

*Again, I maintain that Wade Phillips is the most thin-skinned, self-promoting head coach in the history of the Dallas Cowboys. After yesterday's Pro Bowl practice in Miami Wade went out of his way to remind reporters that he won more games in three seasons in Dallas than his predecessor won in four. Of course that's as ludicrous as it is unfair. Bill Parcells took over a team coming off three consecutive 5-11 seasons void of a proven quarterback. Phillips inherited a squad that was a botched snap from a playoff victory. Wade has improved the Cowboys, but his passive-aggressive chest-puffing has gotten tiresome.

*I do not - repeat, do not - regularly watch American Idol. But since it was the Dallas auditions this week I tuned in ... and saw an advancing of the "Howdy Y'all!" Texas stereotype that is slowly pummeling me into submission. Not all of us have cattle in the north 40. Not all of us wear big belt buckles and starched shirts and Stetson hats. Not all of us like only two types of music - country and/or western. There are real, working cowboys here, but there are much more who simply dress up like cowboys and drive their Ford F-150s to jobs as accountants or laborers or bosses and stuff.

*In what is undoubtedly the rock-bottom low point of my post-divorce singledom, my buddy from Houston walked in my house last week and caught me doing something very embarrassing ...

*Watched Suns 112, Mavs 106 last night. Memo to Rick Carlisle: There should never ever never ever be a game in which Dirk Nowitzki takes only one shot in the fourth quarter. In. Ex. Plick. Uh. Bull.

*Terrell Owens is a free agent. And a delusional idiot. His latest? I've played with crappy quarterbacks. Funny, he leaves town and Tony Romo sets a franchise record for passing yards in a season.

*Now this is a smart tactic. The Stars' Mark Fistric hits the other hockey goon in his head with his helmet. Never understood the baseball player who throws down his bat, threw off his helmet and then charged the mound. Couldn't those weapons come in handy?

*Oscar nominations come out next Tuesday. If The Hangover doesn't win best picture then I'm going to kick Gary Cogill in the nuts. Wait. No. I meant, then I'll be disappointed. Seriously, though, I wonder if it will even get nominated? Something artsy and slooooow and borrrrrrrring and George Clooney-ish will probably win. Something like Up in the Air. Or Nine. Both of which majorly suck.

*Speaking of NBA All-Star Weekend, Mary J. Blige > Miranda Lambert.



*Getting kinda excited about NBA All-Star Weekend. Dirk will get to take a local bow on a national stage and it's nice that Dallas high-school stars Chris Bosh (Lincoln) and Deron Williams (The Colony) will be on hand, too.

*We can rag on Texas Rangers former owner - gosh, how good does that sound? - Tom Hicks, but the guy is no fool. He recently sold a vacation home in Aspen for $18 million. He bought the joint in 1995 for $1 million.

*Caught some of President Obama's State of the Union address. Don't know if anything he said is gonna make a difference, but the dude can work a room and captivate a crowd. Best thing I heard: America is being paralyzed by the fact that politicians have turned every day in to election day. Where once it was an honorable service, being a politician is now merely a profitable career.

*Initially I didn't get the backlash toward Chris Matthews' Obama comment: "I forgot he was black tonight for an hour." I mean, honestly, I forgot Obama was black long ago. I think Matthews meant it as a compliment, but I can totally see why it would offend blacks. But, again, I think we have more problems in this country with party lines than racial lines.

*Saw Awake with Jessica Alba and Hayden Christensen the other night. Guy goes in for a heart transplant surgery and goes under anesthesia but then wakes up before it starts. He can hear and, yes, feel, but is paralyzed and seemingly "under" to the doctors. That, dear friends, is my worst nightmare. Working with big-lipped, small-talented Jessica Alba, I mean.

*Love me some tennis. I'll watch every point of the Roger Federer-Andy Murray Australian Open final. Because tennis is a gorgeous, yet physical confluence of quickness, agility, stamina, hand-eye coordination and constant strategy and problem-solving. But the women's game? Puh-leeeze. Justine Henin is already back at the top after retiring for a year. I've seen the beauty, but in women's tennis where's the depth?

*In the latest proof that NASCAR may be a sport but its stars aren't athletes, driver Denny Hamlin tore his ACL in a pick-up basketball game. He will have surgery after the NASCAR season. That's right, after.

*Washington Wizards' guard Gilbert Arenas may be suspended for the season and he may be losing $7 million, but, in the immortal words of Dave Chappelle, at least he keeps it real.

*The Catcher in the Rye author J.D. Salinger has died. I had to think if I'd ever read that classic novel. I remember something about character Holden Caulfield being a cool anti-hero. But I also remember that, honestly, I don't like to read. Refresh my memory, it's a good book, no?

*Last week's Saints-Vikings NFC Championship Game drew the largest non-Super Bowl TV audience since Seinfeld's farewell in '98. Man, we love our football. In fact, I think we only like three things more than football: 1. Money. 2. Sex. 3. Cell phones.

*I know the NFL is synonymous with Sunday, but wouldn't it be a bigger party if the Super Bowl was moved to Saturday night. Sunday could be an actual Sabbath, a day to recover. Or whatever.

*The Rangers have Baseball America's No. 2 farm system, behind only Tampa Bay. They are now one of only four organizations over the last 10 years to finish first or second in back-to-back seasons. The others were the Cubs (second in 2001 and first in 2002), the Dodgers (second in 2004, 2005, and 2006), and the Rays (first in 2007 and 2008). All three clubs made playoff appearances either during or shortly after those rankings.

*Carrie Underwood will sing the National Anthem before Super Bowl XLIV. Wonder if next year it will be Tony Romo's other celeb squeeze, Jessica Simpson? Who am I kidding, we all know it's gonna be Willie Nelson.

*In New Orleans they don't give a damn. Post-Super Bowl Monday is an official holiday and some schools are letting out all week. And the lesson there is?

*What do I like? I like a cold nectarine on a hot day. An uptight woman who will let loose long enough to talk dirty in your ear. And mindless, industrial, repetitive clanging, set to a chorus of violins.

* ... Relax, I wasn't doing that. But I was having an afternoon snack consisting of water and dry, empty taco shells. It's not that I'm that broke, just shopping for one is kind of a bummer.

*This weekend I'll be out in Arlington, checking out the hopefully new-and-improved attitude of Texas Rangers fans during the team's annual FanFest at The Ballpark. Join me won't you?

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