Whether you're at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt's End:
*Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to pay our last respects to the 2010 Dallas Mavericks. In life, they were an entertaining bunch. Fun. Fast. Full of energy and entertainment. But in the end, withered from playoff pressure, they basically stood around and died. Time of Death: 9:45 p.m., April 29, 2010. Cause of death: Suffocation, courtesy the San Antonio Spurs' defense. The Mavericks are survived by owner Mark Cuban, star Dirk Nowitzki, forward Caron Butler, rookie Roddy Beaubois and hundreds of thousands of frustrated fans. Unfortunately, the final viewing and burial ceremony have been canceled, as an annual resurrection is tentatively planned for Halloween.
*Texas Rangers' rookie first baseman Justin Smoak has a patient eye and a sweet swing at the plate. But if he can't catch a low throw at first base - like the one he dropped in Thursday's loss to the Chicago White Sox - he won't be worth the trouble. If only we could find a way to morph Smoak's bat with Chris Davis' glove.
*Just a friendly reminder: Have your papers in order.
*Most maddening commercial on TV these days is the one for Chase Sapphire. You've seen it. The doting husband wants to cash in the family's reward points for a vacation - to a beach, a fancy dinner, some exotic dancing. But the wife beat him to it. Without his knowledge, mind you, she used the points to buy herself a dress. A stupid, satiny, bunchy formal dress she'll squeeze her ass into once, maybe twice a year. In the commercial the husband meekly smiles at her sinister purchase. In reality, the scenario would unfold a tad differently. "You did what?!! Gawd, you selfish bitch!" Something along these lines. Right?
*If Dez Bryant is as mature and professional as he displayed in handling the question about his mom from the Miami Dolphins, he'll be the NFL's Offensive Rookie of the Year.
*This week I went and saw this lounge singer named Vince Martinez at the Capital Grille in the Crescent Courtyard. Sinatra. Slow-dancing. Not usually my sort of thing, but the dude is smooth with the mike and the ladies, even while downing about 10 bourbon-and-cokes. And he has the most perfect eyebrows in Texas. I say that as heterosexually as possible.
*If you like to smoke marijuana, you might want to be in downtown Dallas Saturday morning at 11:30. Yeah right, like you'll be awake by then.
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*A year ago this weekend: The Valley Ranch Tragedy. I was on the air at 105.3 The Fan doing a Saturday show with Keith Lebowitz. You? Am I missing something or has it been an eerily quiet spring as far as scary thunderstorms?
*Don't get too excited. Yet. In-N-Out Burger is contemplating a move to Dallas. Even looking at specific sites. Contemplating that is.
*Weird I know, but I have 104.9 FM on my car radio pre-sets. Sometimes the singers sound like chipmunks and I can't understand Pakinstani
much at all, but most of the songs have a killer beat.
*With no Mavs-Spurs Game 7 this weekend - grumblemurmurcuss! - what are we gonna do? Tonight I'm headed to Blue October at the House of Blues. Tomorrow I think I'll bounce out to Kauffman County for something called the Warrior Dash. Running through mud, climbing over old cars, jumping through fire and crawling under barbed wire sounds fun. Especially when the rewards are a horned helmet and a beer. On Sunday I'll be at the gigantor crawfish boil up Austin Ranch way. Peel a couple for me? Don't be a stranger.