If there's anything more American than baseball and apple pie, it's getting tanked and stuffing yourself with fried food on a stick. So it's no wonder the Libertine's celebrated the last two Fourths of July with a 15-minute corn-dog eating contest. First and second place get bar tabs, third place wins a roll of quarters, and ties are broken with shots of tequila. It's billed as a "family event," but try telling that to the trash-talking girl pretending she's pregnant, or the overzealous cheerleader threatening everyone competing against his cousin. It's first-rate farce, the essence of an eating contest, and—win, lose or yak—guaranteed to ruin your day if you compete.