Whether you've reached the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt's End:
*Rangers return from Houston today to start a series in Arlington against the lowly Florida Marlins. Did anyone go to the airport to see the Silver Boot as Nolan Ryan triumphantly raised it? And how long until we get a Twitpic of Ryan and the boot together in the urinal? Thursday night's 7-0 loss to the Astros was totally expected in the wake of drinking Champagne from the boot.
*Again I ask you, why is Josh Hamilton diving for balls in the outfield in the 7th inning of a June game in which his team trails 7-0? Great catch. Grotesque decision.
*Can't decide if this is one of the best or worst times ever to be a metroplex sports fan. Is it A.) The best because we're still basking in the glow of the Mavs' first title? or B.) The worst because the Cowboys haven't won a Super Bowl in 15 years, the Stars are a total mess and now two of the four major sports are stagnated in lockouts? I'm going with A. For now.
*Speaking of the Mavs, they can't let Tyson Chandler walk in free agency. Without him, Dallas' wait for an NBA title would be 32 years and counting.
*When and if the NBA 2011-12 season commences, don't be surprised if Bob Ortegel is back on Mavs TV broadcasts. In what capacity I'm not sure, but I know the Mavs sorely missed his presence and expertise last season and there is a strong push inside the organization to return him behind the microphone.
*For those of you who keep stubbornly predicting KRLD-FM 105.3 The Fan will flip formats by sundown, a certain afternoon drive show recently surpassed 5.0 in the Men 25-54 ratings and beat KESN-FM 103.3 ESPN's Galloway and Co. the first two weeks in June. Not pounding my chest. Not saying I'm any good. Not saying KTCK-AM 1310 The Ticket's Hardline dynasty is in any way, shape or form the least bit threatened. Merely promising that when I get back from vacation on July 11 I'll still have a job.
*Hot.
*Not.
*Seemed like just yesterday Tiger Woods and Roger Federer were unbeatable in their respective sports, texting and challenging each other to be the first to 20 majors. Now? Wondering if either will ever win another. And Tim Duncan. Done as well.
*Coulda swore I saw the Mets' Jose Reyes triple against the Tigers this week and give "The Claw" toward New York's dugout. Anyone else see it? Texas shoulda trademarked it.
*Just for fun, my Top 5 favorite athletes of all-time: 5. Julius Erving; 4. Evel Knievel; 3. Dirk Nowitzki; 2. Roberto Clemente; 1. Bjorn Borg.
*Funny line from Conan O'Brien in the wake of Chris Hansen's videotaped dalliance with a girlfriend 20 years his junior: "Hanson knew he was in trouble when he walked into his kitchen and he was already there waiting to ambush himself." Bravo.
*Shocking sight at Wimbledon this week. In Frenchman Jo-Wilfried Tsonga's box during his epic upset of Federer was his brother, Enzo. Wearing -- I shit you not -- a blue Rangers cap.
*Last week I wondered what happened to Charlie Sheen. This week he answers: Says steroids helped him click his fastball from 79 to 85 mph. I totally believe that. No really, I do.
*On Lake Texoma last weekend a fortysomething guy rolled up in a $399,000 boat accessorized with three twentysomething hotties. Opined a guy in our modest vessel, "What a douchebag." Again, I don't get it. The boater would've somehow been cool if he had a crappier boat and a bigger belly and uglier women? I still think the "d-bag" accusers are stoked by jealousy. If membership to the club requires you to give up, settle and lift your spirits only by tearing others down, no thanks. That said, it was a little cocky that the guy incessantly boasted that his boat cost $399K. Why not just kick it up to $400K?
*Former Cleburne High School and UTA pitcher Dillon Gee beat the Rangers last weekend to improve to 8-1 in his rookie year for the Mets. Seems like just a couple summers ago he was goofing off at Cleburne's now-closed Riverview Golf Course, getting run off by marshals for bypassing his cart's carbureter governor with a strategically placed tee and racing with buddies up fairways at speeds up to 50 mph. Seems like just a couple of summers ago because, in fact, it was only a couple of summers ago.
*Next week's Observer column: The recruiting prowess of SMU's Adrian Klemm. And, no, I haven't forgotten the planned ditty about the paternity leaves of Ian Kinsler and Colby Lewis. It's atop the post-vacation agenda.
*Before I go to Las Vegas for a couple days, I leave you with this gift: In the wake of working my dark, decadent magic on the likes of Terrell Owens, Tiger Woods, Brett Favrre, Alex Rodriguez and Dwyane Wade, I am -- as of right now -- officially wishing failure on the NFL lockout. By the time I'm back we'll be talking free agency and training camp rather than lawyers and $9 billion pies. Promise.
*This weekend? Hanging out at a friend's pool Saturday-Monday, with trips to Vandergriff Honda (Saturday 11 a.m.-1 p.m.), Baby Dolls (Saturday 9-11 p.m.) and a Breakfast at Wimbledon (Sunday 8 a.m.) mixed in. I predict several hot dogs and mucho fireworks at some point as well. Do not be a star-spangled stranger.
