What it be: Proper Baking Co.
When it do: 6-9 p.m. Thursday, May 11
Where dat is: 6324 Gaston Ave.
*****
If there were ever an event that Dos Equis' Most Interesting Man in the World would attend, it's Dallas Chop House's Scotch and Cigars. The evening will take patrons on a hedonistic, hyper-masculine journey with a three-course dinner, Chivas scotch and hand-rolled cigars. Each course – hamachi crudo, brined flat iron and striploin – will be paired with a glass of scotch before the evening culminates on the patio with a cigar and Chivas Regal Ultis. Because you don't always spend $50 per person for a dinner, but when you do it results in clouds of smoke and hazy, scotch-addled thoughts.
What it be: Scotch and Cigars
When it do: 6:30-8:30 p.m. Thursday, May 11
Where dat is: 1717 Main St.
*****
Whatever significance the word "foodie" once posessed was lost in 2013, when one Arthur P. Snitz of Des Moines, Iowa, remarked "I'm such a foodie." Mr. Snitz had finished a Lunchable not 10 minutes before he made this comment, and in so doing, managed to destroy whatever cultural cache "foodie" had theretofore carried.
All of that is to say that you need not be a self-proclaimed foodie to partake in events targeted at them. Anyone can be a foodie, after all. But if you do genuinely enjoy and appreciate food then you should check out the Dallas Farmers Market's Friday Night Foodie Tour. Taste your way through some of Dallas' culinary history with this fully-guided tour that includes five tastings from local restaurants. Tickets are $79 per person; optional upgrades include wine by the bottle.
What it be: Friday Night Foodie Tour
When it do: 7-9 p.m. Friday, May 12
Where dat is: 1010 S. Pearl Expressway
*****
Enjoy a few beers and some outdoor physical activity as part of Local Hub Bicycle Co.'s Saturday Social Rides. Local Hub is partnering with Friends of Santa Fe Trail for a ride that will take bicyclists along the Santa Fe Trail and will terminate at The Lot. The $20 donation will go toward trail improvements, while the three complimentary beers will go toward your belly.
What it be: Saturday Social Ride
When it do: 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Saturday, May 13
Where dat is: Meet at 2633 Main St.
*****
If there's an aggravating parent in your life, volunteer to take that parent's small child to Val's Cheesecakes this Saturday. Val's is hosting their very first Vietnamese coffee pop-up in conjunction with Sandwich Hag. So not only can you treat yourself to an amazing coffee and desert combo, but you can return a highly caffeinated and sugar-buzzed child to their parent a short while later. Win-win.
What it be: Sandwich Hag Crack Coffee Pop Up
When it do: 2-4 p.m. Saturday, May 13
Where dat is: 3906 Maple Ave.
*****
Crawfish boils are to crawfish festivals as your high-school garage band is to Coachella. Experience the Coachella of crawfish at Asia Times Square's second annual crawfish festival. This year the festival will feature crawfish-eating competitions, live music and a whole host of crawfish-compatible vendors like I-Ce NY Rolled Ice ream and Kona Ice. Admission is free.
What it be: Crawfish Festival
When it do: 3-11 p.m. Saturday, May 13
Where dat is: 2625 W. Pioneer Parkway, Grand Prairie
*****