A Baker's Dozen of Authentic Munchies Recipes

Last week, we discussed The New York Times' article on "haute-stoner cuisine" and, in response, we offered up some dishes from local restaurants that totally speak to the high mind.

This sparked (ha!) some discussion regarding much more low-brow, what's-left-in-the-pantry culinary invention. The City of Ate has polled um, some, uh, nearby people and come up with 13 of our favorite stoner combos. The list ranges from fairly appetizing to laughable to just plain sad, so if you're reading this post-toke, proceed with caution.

13. Sugar-Free Peep S'more: The idea behind this one isn't too far off the norm, but the shoving an innocent Peep on a stick and charring him over the campfire adds a entirely different feeling. So does the burnt sugar substitute. It adds socks to your teeth that don't want to come off anytime soon.

12. WhataSnickers: Ever eaten a Snickers? Sure you have. Ever eaten a Snickers after dipping it in leftover Whataburger cream gravy? Don't!


11. Carrots and honey: This, again from an anonymous source, was mentioned not only for its strange foodfellows, but for its homey thoughtfulness. Says the smoker, "The honey soothes the throat if your apparatus doesn't temper things before [you inhale]."

10. Tiny chicken Parmesan sandwiches: When crafted with frozen nuggs and canned tomato sauce, this takes on a distinct "we're too stoned to order food" vibe.

9. Twinkie and Doritos: The exact verbiage on this one is important. Says the smoker, "I once ate a Twinkie bisected by Nacho Cheese Doritos." Hand gestures were offered. Demonstrations mimed.

8. Apple butter and French bread: Doesn't seem all that strange, again. But one of the things about the munchies is not necessarily the desired ingredient, but the quantity of food you're willing (and able) to consume. Consider that in this particular instance, the recipe called for 1/2 a jar of apple butter and an entire loaf of French bread.
*Honorable mention for quantity: Someone ate an entire cereal bowl of green olives.

7. Scotch egg: A Scotch egg is essentially a hard-boiled egg fully encapsulated in ground sausage, battered and deep fried. The amazing thing is, in this case, our anecdotal stoner had never actually heard of one before he crafted his.

6. Potato salad sandwich: Not a good scene. Just suck it up and shamelessly polish off that tub of store-bought potato salad with a fork and call it a night. Bread doesn't make it go down any easier.

5. "Shame Spread": The preface to this should probably read, "This person, though in their 30s, has the pantry of an 80-year-old." A mix of Old English cheese spread, Underwood's Deviled Ham and cream cheese was once concocted and then spread on, not crackers, as you might expect, but Ruffles potato chips. Baby dill pickles are an optional garnish.

4. WTF Cocktail: Jim Beam, Mountain Dew and Jolly Ranchers (flavors unspecified). We think you can tell this did not end well.

3. "Fat Sandwich": Developed by one of our staffers as a child, it was later perfected during high times. Prepare open-face; apply mayo and Parmesan cheese to two slices of bread. Top with cotto salami and more parmesan. Broil. "Smush" halves together. Toast outside of bread in pan if desired.

2. Cheese salad: In a bowl grate cheddar (or Colby Jack, though preferably cheddar upon retrospect). Mix in Bacos and Fritos. Proportions are subjective. What is not subjective, however, is the instruction to "eat with spoon." Apparently, this is key. Also, the question of dressing was met with a mildly accusing stare, so, um, no dressing.

1. Dorito-ed eggs: Attempts to recreate this dish sober, at least to the extremes of awesome it met originally, have failed. It's a basic deviled egg recipe -- and yes, with the fresh and finely diced pickles -- only it lacks paprika and instead includes an unknown amount of crushed Doritos in the mixture...oh, and a Doritos "flag" on top of each one.

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City of Ate