A Sneak into the Pages of the True Blood Vampire Cookbook And A Recipe for Synthetic Blood Substitute

True Blood: Eats, Drinks and Bites from Bon Temps is a new cookbook based on the HBO vampire series that will hit the shelves on September 5. Eater National got an early copy and took some close-ups so we can see how much it sucks. (That's not rude. "Sucks" is a compliment in this case.)

The recipes were created by Marcelle Bienvenu who is from Louisiana, which is also the setting for the HBO series. "The Queen of Cajun Cooking," as her website reads, cut her culinary teeth at the Commander's Palace in New Orleans, and worked directly with Ella Brennan of the famed Brennan restaurants. So, what this all means is, the recipes might actually be legit. Cool. But, the corny innuendos and double entendres will only appeal to the die-hard vampire groupie. Like the recipe for "Another Dead Chick-en Sandwich."

Synthetic blood is required for many recipes because there are, naturally, a lot of drinks in this cookbook. The blood elixir can be ordered by "fangbangers" (oh goodness) online at trubeverage.com, but they also provide a substitute recipe, which has carbonated orange soda (not blood orange?), Grenadine and lemon juice.

That sounds a bit too sweet. I would think it be more like ketchup, steak sauce and Bud Light or wine, depending on your own personal tastes.

You an order the book on Amazon now.

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Lauren Drewes Daniels is the Dallas Observer's food editor. She started writing about local restaurants, chefs, beer and kouign-amanns in 2011. She's driven through two dirt devils and is certain they were both some type of cosmic force.