Eat This

And The Winner Is...

Sorry--it's getting on in the afternoon. I should have started this sooner, but I've been working out some statistics.

See, last week one of our dozen or so readers, TLS, failed to make our list of non-winners. She then vowed to sprinkle her comments with the word "cougar" until she reached the status of non-winner once again.

According to some quick calculations, she managed a cougar comment rate of 44%--or roughly the same as Donovan McNabb's completion percentage on Sunday. For that feat, we will happily present her with the artificial corks from the first two bottles of 7-Eleven wine ever opened in the city of Dallas. They have an estimated cash value of $375.

For the rest of you, we have nothing. And we will be awarding it to the following readers:

Anonymous, responding to Appetite For Instruction's taco pizza recipe: "Actually my favorite is the "Deluxe Nacho" pizza- it reminds me of Pizza Hut's Taco Pizza from the 80's. You know before Pizza Hut sucked."

We like the comment. But we also respect someone who remembers a time before Pizza Hut sucked.

DudeFood's visit to The Porch drew a couple eye-catching remarks. From mo: "Now I'm craving a Stodg Burger. And I vowed never to eat anything that was a combination of five different animal sources." And from Donny: "meat, egg and buns? sounds like porn."

Hmm...DudeFood caused one person to abandon their morals and another to reveal a lack of morals. Good stuff.

On The Range sent knottygirl in to food rapture, which we also appreciate: "I still dream of a veal milanese I ate for lunch in a little restaurant in Venice on a cold, rainy day. I asked a souvenir seller where my friends and I could find a good, cheap restaurant, and he steered us to a place where we were the only tourists. No frills, just fantastic (and cheap) food. I've never found anything close to it, even in some very expensive Italian restaurants." 

This week's Top 10 inspired bruce: "Holy shit I miss those Carnation Breakfast Bars. That was way back in the day before my impending alcoholism robbed me of my sweet tooth. I pounded those things. I could eat those things with impunity because they were "breakfast bars" which inferred some sort of nutritional value. I look for those motherfuckers everytime I go to a new grocery store. I would drive to a very bad part of town if I thought I could score some of those wonderful treats."

We're with you, bruce.

Gotta love the sentiment in Matt's response to Veggie Guy and his search for vegan meat: "Man, as a carnivore, I'm having the opposite problem. My faux vegetable products have really gone downhill in the last few months. Right now, the only things worth making a decent salad out of are the Eckrich pressed-pork Karrots and the Hickory Farms shaved-beef Leefy Lettice."

Actually, if there were pressed pork Karrots, we'd buy them. Well, Noah would buy them.

TLS almost doesn't win with this well considered comment in response to (Un)sound Bites: "You know what I find amusing is when these chain restaurants advertise their executive chefs. I recall seeing something recently for the Maggiano's Willow Bend chef and the Macaroni Grill in Plano's chef. I really don't want to take away any kudos or recognition from them. I know they work very hard. But they have to follow the formula sent down from corporate so what sets that guy apart from the other company outposts? Are they able to come up with their own individual dinner specials?"

But the biggest non-winner of the week is DallasDude, for this cougar-related comment: "Cowboys are doing well, but I have my ching on the Carrollton Cougars. Mean bunch of divorced and angry soccer moms that kick ass and stay drunk... like the 80's era Cowboys."

On Monday, we'll start getting the 6-2 'Boys acquainted with Green Bay.


KEEP THE DALLAS OBSERVER FREE... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Dave Faries
Contact: Dave Faries

Latest Stories