And The Winner Is...

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Not a bad week, comment-wise--especially considering how everyone is pretty much huddled up in their cubicles this time of year trying to clear things before the holidays...right?

It helped that newswriter (and alcohol lightweight) Kimberly Thorpe decided to seek tolerance-building advice so she wouldn't slur in front of the big boss at our office party. Regular City of Ate staffers don't really have the same problem.

Anyway, her series idea is so good that next year I might seek--and then follow--advice on how to bring a 20 year-old to our party...although if the advice starts with "flash a six-figure salary," might as well stop right there.

Next week we announce our big, for-real prizes. For now, we think the biggest non-winner will get their pick of three somewhat cool items, next to biggest two and the lowly third place person one.

The rest of you get the same reward as always.

So, this week's long list of non-winning comments:

To start things off, Daniel Hopkins attached this great bit of advice (which we took this morning) to Hophead's column: "i look forward to anchor's christmas beer each year since 2006. it's an amazing breakfast beer... if you're into that sort of thing."

Then there's poor Twinwillow, who admitted after the piece of olive (or avocado) refrigerators, that "The color scheme in my parents kitchen during the 60's and 70's was avocado and orange. The cabinets were brown, the counters were orange formica, and all the appliances were avocado green."

My god.

The subject of BLTs sent knottygirl into a fugue state: "John's Cafe! I love their BLT. (And their french toast, and their oatmeal and their breakfast special, and their omelets, and their grits, and while I'm blathering on and on here, I'll add that Mary's baklava rocks.)" And a picture of someone handling sausage caused misguided djs to ask "dave, really. are you sure this isnt a fantasy of your own?"

If it were Chrissie Hynde stuffing that...never mind.

Responding to our Hanukkah-specific wine pairing, Luckyjewboy offered this: "Might I suggest my old man's favorite...Manischewitz white cream concord. It was good enough for Sammy baby!"

Just a mention of Blue Oyster Cult at the end of our Top 10--expanded to 25 this time--list caused TLS to...we don't know what to say to this: "Awesome!! Now at Christmas dinner when my step-mom is all like 'you know, they say...', I'll be all 'yeah, I know. Blue Oyster Cult.', and she'll be all 'wha????', and I'll be all 'you know, Blue Oyster Cult' and then I'll start singing 'Don't Fear the Reaper and Godzilla...' and she'll be all 'wha???', and then I'll just stare at her and she won't remember what the hell she was going to say they say. Thanks."

No problem, TLS. Happy to help you shut your step-mom down.

Also spurred by Blue Oyster memories was djs ("As for B.O.C., was , i believe the first time i ever got stoned, at a concert and it was 'their' fault , at least thats how i remember it.") and Brent D. ("Blue Oyster Cult...Memorial Center, Wichita Falls, TX...my first concert, 1976 or so. I enjoyed it face down in my pickup, occasionally spewing earlier consumed beverages.")  And Billusa99 used some of this consoling curmudgeon, who said he/she yearns for a corner office: "curmudgeon... I already have one of those offices that you covet. Let me tell you this: the journey to face down in the back of a pickup has many more merits."

One final question came up as a result of the Top 25, from Eddie's Mother: "Why does Tre Wilcox always have that deer-in-the-headlight look, almost as if he is always high on ecstacy."

More advice, this time from JRFW, commenting on Westfork: "kindly remember this,like BBQ, if the joint is 'too nice' beware of the CFS."

We feel we must apologize to PickleTini2 for our thoughts on hushpuppies, because they caused this: "Now see what you've done? I might have to go to Long John Silver's for a fix today."

So, now on to the bottom of our non-winning pile.

In one of the better bits of sarcasm we've ever encountered, luniz stuck this on our rant about what constitutes a review: "what kind of crappy review is this? One paragraph about food and six about something else? Are you going to this place I like in Garland? I think reviews that aren't objective are the BEST IN THE WORLD. They're to die for, even if I wouldn't pay for it if it cost $2 more or required valet parking. Also, I can't find the star rating." 

And at the very bottom, two guys weighed in with some tough-love advice for Kimberly.

First up, bruce: "Take it from an alcoholic. Not eating does not improve your tolerance. If anything, it gives a brief memory of what it used to be like when you were a youngster and could get drunk off of one six pack of light beer or a cold bottle of Boone's. If you go to your office party and drink on an empty stomach you just might wake up with a stuffed uterus and amnesia."

And finally, DallasDude: "Finally something to truly discuss that I am an expert in. I think the idea of building your tolerance is an excellent idea, but think that a few weeks isn't enough unless you do a lot more hard core work at it. A few shots of whiskey will only anger your liver. Piss it off totally by taking in more shots of Jager than you drink beer. Be sure to tell as many stories as you can fit into one evening and tell them often. Punctuate each joke with a rousing and repeated shaking of hands of those around you. Tell people you love them. Urinate in a flower pot, and as a woman you will need to practice the 'stand and release'."

One more week before we announce the, um, winningest non-winners.

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