Cheap Bastard

Back Yard Burgers

There are literally hundreds of places you can get yourself a burger in Dallas. So, it shouldn't come as a surprise that there's a Back Yard Burgers restaurant right across the street from a McDonald's, which is awesomely located in the 24 Hour Fitness parking lot. ("Want fries with that self-hate, tubby?")

I drove through Back Yard Burgers and ordered a cheeseburger, fries and a Back Yard lemonade. The burger was small, but the Black Angus patty had the nice, flame-grilled taste they promised. In some states, you could probably say that for a drive-through burger it was fantastic, but up against local places like Jake's and Keller's, this drive-through isn't all it could be. First off, they don't serve beer. And second through 50th off, seriously, where's the beer? What, am I supposed to drive to a grocery store for that? That's like expecting me to go somewhere else to get napkins. Eff. That. Noise. Another thing: Their standard burger comes with mayo, mustard and ketchup. No like. I can't respect a burger place that pusses out and over-condiments just so they don't have to take a side in the age-old mayo, mustard or ketchup debate.

The seasoned fries reminded me of my high school cafeteria spicy fries, which is to say that they were damn tasty. Sadly, though, the Back Yard lemonade was not worth the 50-cent up-charge. Way too sweet. Made my face go all Renee Zellweger. (You know, Ugly Baby Pushing Out a Mean Fart Face meets Golden Retriever Pushing Out a Mean Fart Face). This was not lemonade made by pros. But do keep in mind these are also the people who think "backyard" should be two words. They might be workin' with a deck of 49.

Overall, the Back Yard Burger certainly beats a square Wendy's burger, but so does a slap to the nutsack.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade

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