Complaint Desk

Bacon Can Lower Your Sperm Count: But Maybe That's a Good Thing?

Bacon blew up the Internet again. A quick Google search for "bacon" and "infertility" will produce a whole slew of articles and blog posts pointing to the results of a fertility study that were recently presented at the American Society for Reproductive Medicine Conference in Boston.

Researchers evaluated the eating habits of men in not-so-fertile couples and determined that a diet high in processed meat has a negative impact on sperm count. The Internet goons quickly replaced processed meat with bacon, and the story went viral. Eventually GQ published a riff with the title: "Bacon Lowers Sperm Count, Life No Longer Worth Living."

What I don't get is why the effect of bacon on fertility is a bad thing. Certainly couples that are actively trying to make smaller versions of themselves might consider laying off the smoked swine, but the rest of us should read this as a cause for celebration.

Where are the T-shirts that read "Bacon: better than birth control"? Or the BLT (with extra bacon) specials at restaurants that cater to young singles? Clubs should offer a slice of bacon with every vodka shot they pour, and it's not hard to picture a dude with contempt for prophylactics trying his hardest: It's OK baby -- I just had bacon.

No matter where you stand on your desire to procreate, it's obvious the Internet is shamelessly abusing bacon. The last time the processed pork went viral a presumably "unavoidable" global shortage had bloggers predicting the coming Porkocalypse. Bacon supplies were fine though, and so is your fertility score. Just eat bacon in moderation, and wear a condom just in case.

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Scott Reitz
Contact: Scott Reitz

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