Eat This

Cool Ranch Tacos Are Happening Right Now

Drumroll starts low ... crescendo ... aaaaaaaand big cymbal crash!

The new Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos have arrived!

Actually, to steal the punch from the cymbal crash, it was available yesterday. You just had to know to ask for it, which I did because I live on the edge of society like that.

The taco shells have a moderate dusting of the trademark powdery spices of Cool Ranch chips and deliver that all-too-familiar characteristic tang. The flavors complement the taco meat spices, in a highly processed-food kind of way.

I particularly like the tidiness afforded with cardboard taco holder, although it seems like a huge waste of resources considering the tacos also come wrapped in paper. Wait ... now I don't like the cardboard holders anymore. Do we have to use those, Taco Bell?

I do, however, think there is opportunity to personalize and enhance your taco experience. That is, if you're so inclined to expend any energy on it:

Step 1: Squeeze a packet of hot sauce atop the cheese on your taco.

Step 2: Use a spork and, holding the taco holder (which we hate now), firmly yet gently toss your cheese, iceberg lettuce and meat all together. This will mix the "layers" of food and allow you to avoid a mouthful of shredded lettuce, which any other way is pretty much unavoidable every other bite. Because you bite high (lettuce), then low (meat), high then low, high then low, and so on. On average, 2.5 bites are nothing but shredded lettuce. Mix and avoid.

Well, that was like five steps all in one. Let's not make eating a taco more complicated than it needs to be though, OK?

Now, a promise from me to you: I, Lauren Drewes Daniels, take an oath not to write about Cool Ranch anything for at least three two weeks. After which time Yum Brands will probably issue a press release about the gazillion tacos sold, which I'll just not be able to walk away from because it will be staggering.

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Lauren Drewes Daniels is the Dallas Observer's food editor. She started writing about local restaurants, chefs, beer and kouign-amanns in 2011. She's driven through two dirt devils and is certain they were both some type of cosmic force.

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