A tap water taste competition. Of all the possible taste competitions in the world, you'd be hard-pressed to think of one less thrilling than tap water. Maybe borscht? Cough medicine, perhaps?
Nonetheless, the U.S. Conference of Mayors recently conducted such a test, pitting tap water from cities all over the country against one another in an epic battle of deliciousness. Their verdict? That Denton, of all places, ranks in the top five cities in America when it comes to tasty H20.
Congrats goes to Denton. Your fellow North Texas cities shall toast you with a glass of their inferior, non-top-five water.
However, the very nature of the competition begs a serious question: Who has a palate so sophisticated that they can judge hundreds and hundreds of tap waters side-by-side, then subsequently deem five the most delicious? Palateman?
As it turns out, the selections were determined by a panel comprised of several heavy-hitters in the tap water industry, many of whom were formerly employed by the EPA's Office of Water.
Denton Mayor Mark Burroughs celebrated his city's accomplishment with a trio of brutal, water-centric puns, unleashing the following zingers to the Denton Record-Chronicle:
"Whether we win or lose, that we make it to the top five is pretty remarkable... If we lose, it's all water under the bridge."
"If these other mayors think their water systems are better than Denton's, then they're all wet."
"Denton's been in the water game for a long time, and I understand some of these other cities might be a little wet behind the ears."
We see what you did there, Mayor Burroughs. Imagine us slow-clapping.
Denton is competing against Albany and Rochester, New York; Racine, Wisconsin, and Pembroke Pines, Florida. The winning city will be announced Monday, June 20. Go Denton! Go water! Go ridiculous-taste-competitions!