Firexbox Doesn't Ignite the Taste Buds -- or Other Body Parts, Luckily

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You'd think that there's no way that Firexbox could be the name of a restaurant, but you'd be wrong. When I first saw it, I thought, "Surely there's just a typeface issue here with their logo and they mean Fire Box with chopsticks in the middle and that design element just went wrong." But, nope. The URL is firexbox.com.

On totally reliable Yelp, there are a bunch of five-star reviews of this drive-thru sushi and hibachi restaurant. So, I had to try it out.

I would like to say that this was the first time I'd ever been to a sushi drive-thru. But that would be a lie. I also tried the drive-thru at Sushi & Rice Express. I wish I could tell you that I loved the food at Sushi & Rice Express so much that I went back again and definitely didn't get the weird dumps from having eaten their sushi. I also wish Meg Ryan's face still looked normal. And I wish that cats didn't have such visible buttholes. I wish that my iPhone (a device from the future that lets me send invisible letters to people in Australia in under two seconds without the use of carrier pigeons) could fucking take a phone call without dropping it, or that it would at least change its name to iNotPhone. I wish seitan had never been invented. I wish the world was 50 percent more boobs and 49 percent fewer balls. But, I digress. My point is, (and I know this is breaking news) on the cheap food options list, drive-thru sushi can be a risky choice, butt-stuff-wise.

I rolled into the packed drive-thru (I'm used to completely empty drive-thrus, so this was really strange to me. I'm looking at you, Rice Bowl and Egg Roll Hut) and ordered the teriyaki chicken bento box, which is a generous portion of teriyaki chicken with three gyoza (potstickers), four pieces of California roll and tempura vegetables, all for $6.49. By the time I got home, the tempura vegetables were soggier than a toddler's swim diaper. As I do not eat swim diapers, I passed on those. I tried the potstickers, and those were passable. The California roll tasted exactly like San Francisco! It was crazy, you guys -- I distinctly tasted Lombard Street. The chicken teriyaki was bland, but that's what I wanted: something safe.

Overall, the food at this drive-thru was all right. But, for my money, when I want cheap sushi and skanky atmosphere, I'd rather go to Kazy's Gourmet.

Firexbox 9918 Plano Road

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