Foodbitch's New Year's Resolutions

Resolutions are nasty little things we "make" every January 1 so we can disappointed in ourselves for not living up to our own ridiculous expectations. Well guess what? I resolve to be who I am for the next year, and be fucking happy about it, too. Here's what else I'm going to do.

Gain 10 lbs. I work for you, Dallas. And I work hard. It's, like, totally a skill to squeeze between five and seven meals into each day, but I'm all about continual improvement. So sure, I might work out a little, maybe buy a bicycle or something. But I'm still going to eat food like the world might end tomorrow and everyone I dine with is from out of town. So I'm more likely than not going to become even more to love.

Eat outside the box. A few months ago I tried lengua tacos. They blew. But that's okay. I'll push on. There's no telling what 2012 will be the year of. I'll be taking suggestions, though. And, who knows? Maybe I'll decide what the lucky food item is next December. That way my resolution/prediction will be dead-on. And I will win the year.

Eat more pickled things. Pickling is so hot right now. So I can only assume, save for pickled ginger, which is the nastiest shit ever, that I will eat more pickled items. Besides, I already like pickled cucumbers, so this resolution should be a snap. I shall get myself over to Campo posthaste. They like to pickle stuff, right?

Learn to hate cilantro less. Okay this is a real resolution, people, a goal I've had for some time now. I plan to do something about my fear/hatred and get over it. In the year 2012. This may involve shoving copious amounts of the vile weed into my mouth, or hypnotism or something. Maybe both. RES-O-LUTION.

Cheers to being who you are and to realistic expectations, and Happy New Year.

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