Gazeebo Burgers: A Big Bite of Nothing

Extra "e" in the name count: 1

Actual gazebo in the parking lot count: 1

I was having one of those "Can't Decide What I Want for Lunch" days when I started to lose my mind because I was so hungry, but at the same time nothing I drove past seemed like the right option. So I just kept driving and driving and pissing off my stomach because I couldn't make a decision and just as I thought I'd made my choice, my stomach was like, "Seriously? Fucking Souper! Salad?! Are you out of your mind?" when I finally just pulled the car over with the intention of eating at whatever food place was closest. Turns out, it was Gazeebo Burgers.


Gazeebo Burgers

Gazeebo Burgers

5950 Royal Lane


I was so excited about the look of this place when I walked in, with its real live gazebo out front and its Fuddruckers-style add-your-own-damn-toppings-to-your-food fixin's bar that I called a friend to join me. He ordered a burger and onion rings, and I had the breaded chicken sandwich, fries and a drink. When our number was called, we fixed our sandwiches up and pulled up to a booth. I dove right into the fries, which were spicy and delicious, so I was hyped for my sandwich experience. I took a bite and—instant flashback to high school cafeteria complete with bad haircut and fear of getting face raped by the cafeteria lady. And judging by the face that my friend made after he took a bite of his burger (which was a cross between that dead face people make when you find them in the closet in The Ring and the "I'm Trying to Birth an Angry Poop" face that high-pantsed Céline Dion makes when she's crowing My Heart Will Go On) and the fact that he said, "This isn't delicious," I'm gonna say it wasn't just the chicken sandwich that was sub par here. There wasn't anything actively gross about my sandwich—it just tasted like nothing. And if I wanted that, I'd eat nothing for lunch and change my name to Anne Hathaway.

If you're vegetarian, they do have veggie burgers. But I'd probably skip those and go for just onion rings and fries. Both are really tasty—especially when drowned in ranch and ketchup.

I really wanted to like this place. It's really clean, they have the aforementioned real gazebo outside and the service was great. I think I'll like it a lot more when I'm 60 and I can't taste anything anymore.

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