Each week, the Cheap Bastard goes looking for a new place to eat a meal for less than nine million dollars. This week, she checked out the Green House food truck, which sounds strangely healthy for Alice. For the truck's locations, check out this website.
Minutes I waited for my sandwich count: 3 Times I wondered how far that $7.50 could have gotten me with a hooker: 9
In a world of crazy concept food trucks, Green House's entry offers un-fusion-y, simple, accessible, Eatzi's-style food for your friend who's afraid of new food. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Look, sometimes, maybe you're not in the mood for another Korean BBQ Fried Fruit Loop Whoopie Pie Gut Bomb. Maybe you just want a sandwich.
If you're like, "I feel like paying $7.50 for a pretty good lunch," Green House is exactly the dependable, healthy-ish food truck you're looking for, you fun-fearing lunch eater. It offers a variety of straightforward salads, soups, rice bowls and sandwiches. It has vegetarian and even vegan-friendly options for you vegetarians and vegans who're like, "Seitan, you can go suck a dick. I just want some grilled veggies."
The day I tried Green House food truck, it was parked on Flora Street with the Ssahm BBQ food truck. The line at Ssahm was 15 people deep and there were somehow fewer than zero people waiting in line at Green House. Even the crickets were like, "Shitball, dude. Ssahm is way more popular than you. You should feel sad."
I was happy to see that there weren't any people in line at Green House because the only thing I hate more than dudes who wear skinny jeans and expect not to be made fun of is waiting in a stupid long line for lunch. So, I walked right up to the Green House truck and ordered the $7.50 miso steak sandwich (toasted ciabatta, basil pesto, grilled zucchini, peppers and onions).
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Let's talk about that $7.50 price point, shall we? For a sandwich? Just the sandwich? What, is this thing made with magical minotaur steaks? Or is it bigger than my stupid big face? Do they use dollar bills as the greens on this thing? When they say "toasted ciabatta" do they mean it has the weed drug in it?
Nope. Just regular everything.
Like a lot of hooker-buying guys say, I would've enjoyed this a lot more if it had been free. If you're having a lunch meeting at work and these guys cater it and you get to eat this food for free, you'll probably really like this sandwich. I was just bummed that I paid $7.50 plus tax for it and had to eat it within smellshot of Ssahm's kimchee fries.