How 'Bout Them Knockers: Chef House

Chef House
4028 Cedar Springs Rd
Dallas, TX 75219
(214) 528-2122

Promised Delivery Time: 35-45 minutes
Actual Delivery Time: 30 minutes and that's with being lost

The Score:
Questionable brown sauce leaking from the bag : 2
Lost delivery guy turns out to be a hippie look alike: 30
And he was early: 10
Getting my order and address info down in 1 minute and 26 seconds: 15
Saying 'mmm this looks good' numerous times: 12
Heat index: 19
Leaving out the fortune cookie: -9

Total score: 79

Overall Standings
Chef House 79
Panda Delite 78

See the final 2008 standings here.

It's the age old question when having food delivered to your home: Chinese or Italian? You ask yourself, 'do I feel like greasy pizza that can be served for both dinner and breakfast meals or do I want fried rice that I can eat on for days out of the cute, white square box?' So of course I did what any normal adult what do, I played Inny Immy Miney Moe with the menus (my version of the Super Bowl, minus boring commercials). My left index finger fell on the pink Chef House menu.

Sorry plain white Italian menu, maybe next time you will have better luck.

After dialing up the neighborhood Chinese/Thai restaurant and ticking off the numerous items I wanted and being told it would be around 35-45 minutes, I waited somewhat patiently while watching reruns of The Office. My stomach on the other hand was ready to eat, I could barely hear Dwight Schrute's off the wall comments about beets and brown bears over my growling, angry belly. Then I received a private call on my phone, and of course I didn't answer. But when I checked voice mail, it just happened to be my delivery guy--he was lost somewhere in my apartment complex. I opened the door to go find him and then there he was, like a beacon of hairy light, holding my brown bag full of fatty goodness. I grabbed the food, tipped and then sent him on his way.

I started out with the egg rolls, because that's what you're supposed to do when you eat Chinese. It was good and crispy, but it lacked something that I couldn't put my finger on. So, of course, I tried second one hoping to figure it out. Nope, still no idea what is was missing, but it did taste better when I dipped it into the hot and sour soup--a nice combination of tofu, mushrooms, bamboo shoots, and white pepper in chicken broth with a complimentary bag of wontons mixed in.

It took a while before I turned to the main course. Kung Pao Beef has always been my go-to meal at Chinese restaurants, probably because I am a huge fan of anything that has a kick to it. Oh, and this definitely was not lacking spice. If you want your sinuses cleared for at least 30 days, then order this dish. I had to down a glass of milk after accidentally eating three dried chilis in the same bite. Ouch! The beef was very tender and flavorful, full of heat and mellowed by peanuts. The sauce ended up being a bit tacky, however, and overburdened by garlic.

Oh, well. I won't need to take Claritin for a month. I had enough fried rice and spicy mustard packets leftover to have an unhealthy lunch the next day. The only serious disappointment? They failed to drop a fortune cookie in my bag.

How am I going to know what my future holds....in bed?

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