Nothing screams "America -- fuck yeah!" like a corn-dog eating contest. Is there another country where revelers would celebrate the brave patriots who fought for its freedom with a monstrous display of gluttony? Is there anything more American than the corn dog, that creation of chemicals, vaguely meat-related ingredients and the nutrition-free government-subsidized crop that is corn? In fact, I'd go so far as to say that if you're not at the Libertine Bar Sunday evening for the Second Annual Brass Knuckle Corndog Beatdown, the terrorists win. But then, I'm biased.

The format is identical to last year's competition. Contestants will have 15 minutes to consume as many corn dogs as they can. The first-place winner receives a $100 bar tab, second earns a $50 tab and third gets $25 worth of quarters. Ties will be decided with a well-tequila shoot-off, assuming both parties are of legal drinking age; after all, it is a family-friendly affair.

Libertine co-owner Simon McDonald says that as of Friday afternoon, nine contestants had signed up, but that he expected some last-minute entrants Sunday. All contestants must arrive at the bar by 5 p.m.; the contest begins at 7 p.m. McDonald didn't anticipate having to cap the number of gurgitators, but did note that he only purchased 250 corn dogs (State Fair brand, if you care to practice at home).

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And, as with last year's contest, Patrick Michels and I will be among the competitors. Whether we come out on top again (I won with 16, while he took second with 14), of course, remains to be seen. Sign up at the bar or call 214-824-7900.